????今年夏天，你很可能看過一部喜劇片，片名是《老板不是人》（Horrible Bosses）。片中從事不同職業(yè)的三個人策劃謀殺劣跡斑斑的老板。這部電影在今年夏天意外地一炮而紅，在上映的首個周末，便登上票房亞軍的寶座。電影票房統(tǒng)計網(wǎng)站Box Office Mojo稱，該片是全球有史以來最賣座的黑色喜劇電影。

????很顯然，這部電影引起了人們的共鳴。誰沒遇到過惡劣的老板呢？人們加入公司，最后卻因為種種原因炒了老板魷魚——這種事情再平常不過了。

????然而，根據(jù)我們的經(jīng)驗，這種事情并不都是老板的錯。實際上，在很多情況下，老板都是無辜的。我們發(fā)現(xiàn)，通常情況下，大部分老板的想法或多或少都是善意的，只是做法欠佳。這種差距是因為他們忽視了自己應(yīng)該履行的職責，以及員工對老板言辭和行為的反應(yīng)。實際上，老板與員工之間經(jīng)常會陷入一種惡性循環(huán)：某一行動導(dǎo)致產(chǎn)生誤解，對方做出被動反應(yīng)，在這種狀態(tài)下，老板和員工的關(guān)系會越來越糟，最終水火不容。

????如果你認為老板惡劣不堪，在做出辭職或更激烈的舉動之前，要先問自己幾個問題。

????自己的表現(xiàn)是否達到了預(yù)期？

????老板必須要將員工的缺點解釋給他的上司。所以如果員工沒有達到預(yù)期，又怎么能指望與老板建立和諧的關(guān)系呢？如果員工未能達到要求，就需要與老板討論一下問題的癥結(jié)所在，如何彌補，以及老板對員工的預(yù)期到底是什么。如果還沒有采取行動，員工應(yīng)該承擔責任，主動與老板就這些問題展開討論。

????你在這種上下屬關(guān)系中摻雜了哪些情感因素？

????老板并不是我們?nèi)松杏龅降牡谝粋€權(quán)威。即便是職場新人，在此之前肯定也遇到過許多這樣的角色，比如父母、兄長、學(xué)校里的“惡霸”、老師、教練等。這些經(jīng)驗和教訓(xùn)塑造了我們與權(quán)威相處時的模式，以及與權(quán)威交往時應(yīng)該抱持怎樣的期望，盡管這些經(jīng)驗和教訓(xùn)通常都無法言傳。

????你對當前老板的抱怨，是否類似于你對前任老板或其他權(quán)威的抱怨？

????如果是的話，這是一個危險信號。我們認識的一個熟人說，以前他總是與老板合不來，直到十年之后他才意識到，原來在他眼中，這些老板都有同一個毛病。不出意料，這種毛病也就是他自身在成長過程中與父親之間出現(xiàn)矛盾的根源所在。在面對老板時，甚至包括生活的其他方方面面，我們總是只關(guān)注自己長期秉持的信念和結(jié)論。比如，如果你認為權(quán)威不值得信任，那每一位老板都會遭到你的質(zhì)疑。

????你是否能將老板作為普通人看待？

????在權(quán)威的外衣下，老板其實和普通人一樣，有自己的生活背景、培訓(xùn)和經(jīng)歷，也懷有希望、恐懼、沮喪、抱負、力量和缺點。你對老板的了解全面嗎？你能透過老板的視角來看待這個世界嗎？雖然了解是什么原因造就了老板這樣一只“怪物”并不能使他/她有所改變，但卻能讓你在與老板打交道時擁有更多創(chuàng)新性的選擇。

????上下級關(guān)系不和，你是否承擔了一定的責任？

????如果這種惡劣的關(guān)系非你所愿，你是否努力嘗試過與老板溝通疑問？還是僅僅覺得被動和無助？你是否認為，這種關(guān)系純粹是由老板支配，因為他才是強勢的一方？你是否意識到，老板的某些行為實際上是出于對你的一種反應(yīng)？你是否嘗試過從老板的角度來看待自己？

????我們見過許多下屬，包括一些經(jīng)理人，他們認為（或許是由于我們前文所提到的情感因素）對于和掌權(quán)者的關(guān)系，他們無能為力。但他們忽略了一個事實：盡管這種關(guān)系并不平等，但依然是一種雙向的關(guān)系，雙方都需要依賴對方獲得成功，而正是這種相互依賴的關(guān)系，給了了他們進行協(xié)商的機會。

????請不要誤解，我們并不是要否認惡老板的存在。但是，到底是老板惡劣不堪，還是你與老板之間的關(guān)系出現(xiàn)了問題？沒有仔細考慮過前文提出的問題之前，不要過早下定論。如果確實是老板的問題，唯一的選擇就是炒他的魷魚。但如果是與上司之間的關(guān)系出現(xiàn)了問題，作為下屬，也需要承擔一定的責任，并采取措施改變這種局面。

????本文作何琳達?A?希爾為哈佛商學(xué)院（Harvard Business School）教授，肯特?林內(nèi)貝克具有30年管理經(jīng)驗，并參與出版了《做個真正的經(jīng)理人：成為偉大領(lǐng)導(dǎo)者必須具備的三個特質(zhì)》（Being the Boss: The 3 Imperatives for Becoming a Great Leader）一書。

????翻譯：劉進龍/汪皓

????There's a decent chance you saw the movie "Horrible Bosses" this summer. A comedy about three men in different jobs who decide to murder their awful bosses, it was one of the season's surprise hits. On its opening weekend, it was the second-highest grossing film. It has become the highest-grossing dark comedy of all time worldwide, according to Box Office Mojo.

????Obviously, the film struck a chord. Who hasn't suffered an awful boss somewhere along the line? We've yet to meet anyone who disagrees with the truism that people join companies but quit bosses.

????But in our experience, not every instance of a "horrible boss" is entirely the fault of the boss. In fact, many instances are not. Most bosses, we've found, usually mean well, more or less, but they don't often do well. The difference is usually driven by ignorance of what they should be doing and how people are responding to their words and actions. In fact, bosses and their staff often tumble into a downward spiral of action-misunderstanding-reaction that feeds on itself and ultimately produces a relationship so toxic it can't be recovered.

????If you believe your boss is horrible, we propose some questions you should answer before you do anything drastic like quitting -- or worse.

????Are you performing up to expectations?

????If not, why would you expect to have a great relationship with someone who must explain your shortcomings to his or her superiors? If you're falling short, you and your boss need to talk about why that's the case, what you can do about it, and what really should be expected of you. If you haven't done that, you should take responsibility and initiate that discussion.

????What emotional baggage are you bringing into the relationship?

????Your current boss isn't the first authority figure you've encountered. Even if you're just entering the workforce, you've already experienced a string of them, starting with your parents and extending through older siblings, schoolyard bullies, teachers, coaches, and a host of others. The sum of those experiences and the lessons you've drawn from them, usually in the form of unspoken assumptions, shape how you deal with and what you expect from every new authority figure, such as your current boss.

????Are your complaints about your boss similar to your complaints about earlier bosses or other authority figures?

????If so, that's a red flag. An acquaintance of ours tells of finding fault with all his early bosses until he realized, after 10 years, that they all suffered the same fault, and that fault, unsurprisingly, was the problem he had with his own father growing up. With bosses, as elsewhere in life, we tend to focus on evidence for beliefs and conclusions we already hold. If you've already concluded that authority figures can't be trusted, you'll probably mistrust every new boss you have.

????Are you able to see your boss as a person?

????Under that cloak of authority, there's a person just like you, the product of her unique background, training, and experience, with hopes, fears, frustrations, aspirations, strengths, and weaknesses. Do you know enough of this personal dimension that you can begin to see the world through her eyes? Knowing why an ogre is an ogre may not change her, but it will free you to think more creatively about your options for dealing with her.

????Above all, do you take at least some responsibility for the relationship?

????If it's not what you want, have you made a serious effort to talk over your issues with your boss? Or do you feel passive and helpless? Do you feel the relationship is entirely controlled by the boss because he's the one with the clout? Is it conceivable to you that some of your boss's behavior might be a reaction to you? Have you tried to see yourself through your boss's eyes?

????We see many subordinates, including managers, who assume (perhaps because of the baggage we noted earlier) that they have no control over or ability to shape their relationship with someone in authority. They overlook the fact that, though it's not a relationship of equals, it is still a two-way relationship in which each person needs the other to succeed, and that gives them some ability to negotiate.

????Don't misunderstand. There are horrible bosses. But until you've thought through the questions we've raised here, you cannot tell what exactly is horrible -- your boss or your relationship with your boss. If it's truly your boss, your only option may be to leave. But if it's the relationship, you need to shoulder some responsibility for it and then take action to change it.

????Linda A. Hill, a professor at Harvard Business School, and Kent Lineback, a writer with 30 years of management experience, are co-authors of Being the Boss: The 3 Imperatives for Becoming a Great Leader.