退休真的需要勇氣嗎?
????幾周前,我在從事了30年傳播業(yè)務(wù)后于54歲宣布退休。對(duì)于我這項(xiàng)出人意料的決定,40歲朝上的朋友、同事和家人鋪天蓋地的回應(yīng)是“我嫉妒!”。超過(guò)50歲的往往還會(huì)加上一句“我隨后就來(lái)”。 ????40歲以下的反應(yīng)是不信。一位朋友說(shuō),“我不信。這不可能。”退休后重返職場(chǎng)或退休未果者也這么看,他們警告說(shuō):“你會(huì)回來(lái)的?!?/p> ????我不打算去佛羅里達(dá)打高爾夫。我會(huì)繼續(xù)積極寫(xiě)作,擔(dān)任企業(yè)董事,承擔(dān)有意義的非營(yíng)利機(jī)構(gòu)職責(zé)。但我不會(huì)回來(lái)。這世上有太多其他有意思的事了,而且正如我們所見(jiàn),生命寶貴,但人生無(wú)常。人生需要充分體驗(yàn)。 ????我宣布退休后,形形色色的反應(yīng)中最讓我意外的是:“這是一件多么有勇氣的事啊!”至少有50個(gè)人告訴我說(shuō),我做的事很有勇氣、令人欽佩、大膽而且鼓舞他人。真是這樣嗎? ????我這輩子確實(shí)做過(guò)幾件勇敢的事。我生了3個(gè)孩子,其中一個(gè)近10磅重,也沒(méi)用止痛藥。23歲時(shí)我用父母擔(dān)保的一筆5萬(wàn)美元貸款創(chuàng)辦了一家公司。我害怕極了,擔(dān)心會(huì)把他們寶貴的錢(qián)財(cái)付之一炬,但18個(gè)月后我把錢(qián)還給了他們。我把前夫(一名癮君子)鎖在屋外,強(qiáng)迫他去戒毒所。這需要超乎想象的勇氣。13歲的時(shí)后,我遭人綁架,但我說(shuō)服綁匪不要強(qiáng)奸我,還開(kāi)車(chē)把我送回了家。處在上述這些時(shí)刻中的任何一個(gè),我都必須戰(zhàn)勝真真切切、實(shí)實(shí)在在的恐懼,努力向內(nèi)心尋找勇氣,應(yīng)對(duì)這些狀況。 ????退休對(duì)我而言感覺(jué)更像是放縱自己。明天,我可以睡到自然醒,用我喜歡的方式度過(guò)一整天。但是,對(duì)于這么多人,這需要莫大的勇氣。我們與工作之間到底存在怎樣的聯(lián)系,讓停止工作變得如此需要勇氣?我們的恐懼是什么?為什么工作那么重要? ????我從朋友和同事處聽(tīng)到了下面這些擔(dān)心: ????“就算我有足夠的儲(chǔ)蓄,不再需要一份薪水。我也無(wú)法想象再也不拿薪水的情形。我喜歡拿到一份實(shí)實(shí)在在的酬勞?!?/p> ????“我不知道(退休后)能做些什么?!?/p> ????“如果發(fā)生一些狀況,卻沒(méi)有足夠的經(jīng)濟(jì)保障,怎么辦?2008年市場(chǎng)崩潰后,就更沒(méi)安全感了?!?/p> ????“如果不做成功的企業(yè)領(lǐng)導(dǎo)者,我什么都不是?!?/p> ????“你不擔(dān)心自己變得無(wú)足輕重嗎?” ????“我那么努力工作才取得今天的地位,(退休)感覺(jué)就像是拋棄所有這一切?!?/p> ????這些我都理解。工作,如果我們幸運(yùn)的話(huà)(我一直都幸運(yùn)),就不僅僅是一份工作或一份薪水。它是我們?nèi)松闹匾M成部分。不只是職位,還有我們多年來(lái)積累的所有聲望、人際網(wǎng)絡(luò)、個(gè)人履歷以及寶貴經(jīng)驗(yàn)。還有在這個(gè)過(guò)程中我們?yōu)楣ぷ髯龀龅膫€(gè)人犧牲,那些錯(cuò)過(guò)的孩子生日、球賽和音樂(lè)會(huì),我們大多數(shù)的朋友實(shí)際上都是工作上的朋友。 |
????A few weeks ago, at the age of 54, I announced my retirement after 30 years in the communications business. The overwhelming response to my surprising news from friends, associates and family who are at least 40-years old is "I am envious." From the over 50 crowd, there is often the added comment of "and I am right behind you." ????For the under 40s, the response is disbelief. One friend said, "I just don't believe you. It won't happen." This goes as well for the retread or failed retirees. "You will be back!" they warn. ????I am not headed to Florida to play golf. I will stay active writing, serving as a director on corporate boards and a maintaining a meaningful non-profit role. But I will not be back. There is too much else that beckons and, as I have discovered, life is both precious and precarious. It needs to be lived fully. ????The response to my retirement announcement that surprised me most is this: "What a brave, thing to do." At least 50 people told me that what I was doing was courageous, admirable, bold, and inspirational. Really? ????Over the course of my life, I have had a few acts of real bravery. I gave birth to all three of my children, including the nearly ten-pounder without drugs. I started a company at 23, with a $50,000 bank loan guaranteed by my parents. I was terrified that I would lose their precious money, but I paid them back in 18 months. I locked my ex-husband, an addict, out the house and forced him into rehab. That took more courage that you can imagine. When I was 13, I convinced a man who kidnapped me not to rape me and instead to drive me back home. In each of these moments I had to overcome real, tangible fear and do something that required me to dig deep and find the courage to deal with the situation. ????Retiring to me feels indulgent. Tomorrow I will get up whenever I want and I will spend the day as I please. Yet, to so very many, this is courageous. What is it about our connection to work that makes the very act of stopping so scary? What are our fears and why is work so important? ????I heard a few of these fears from my friends and associates: ????"I can't imagine not getting a paycheck ever again. Even though I have saved enough that I don't need one. I like getting the tangible reward." ????"I don't know what I would do with myself." ????"What if something happens and you don't have enough financial security? Ever since the market crashed in 2008, it doesn't feel safe." ????"Who am I, if I am not this very successful business leader?" ????"Are you not afraid of becoming irrelevant?" ????"I have worked so hard to get where I am, it feels like I would be throwing that all away." ????I do get it. Work, if we are lucky (and I have been), is more than a job or a paycheck. It is a big part of who we are. Not just the title, but all that we have built over time: our reputation, our network, our curriculum vitae of roles and responsibilities and the resulting legacy. It is also the many life tradeoffs that we made along the way, all the missed children's birthdays and soccer games and concerts or the fact that most of our friends are actually work friends. |
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