謝莉爾?桑德伯格如何克服自我懷疑
????在前不久的一次工作會(huì)議上,我意識(shí)到自己居然在說:“這個(gè)主意不怎么樣,但如果我們嘗試一下……”于是我打住了。我記得,剛進(jìn)麥肯錫公司(McKinsey & Company)做咨詢顧問時(shí),我在最初的幾次會(huì)議上用過這樣的表達(dá)方式。今天,作為一名已成功創(chuàng)建公司并推動(dòng)它不斷成長(zhǎng)的人,我認(rèn)為自己肯定不會(huì)再無(wú)中生有地自我懷疑了。但這種念頭確實(shí)又冒出來了,它意味著,我認(rèn)為自己的想法并不值得討論。 ????在2010年的一次女性大會(huì)上,有人問黛安?馮芙絲汀寶,沒把握的時(shí)候怎么才能表現(xiàn)得自信些,她的建議是:“先裝得很自信,直到把事情做了為止?!?/p> ????2011年《紐約客》(New Yorker)的一篇短文中,F(xiàn)acebook的首席運(yùn)營(yíng)官謝麗爾?桑德伯格表達(dá)的觀點(diǎn)與馮芙絲汀寶不謀而合。在聽完一個(gè)關(guān)于“感覺自己像騙子”這個(gè)話題的大學(xué)講座后,她表示:“我這輩子對(duì)自己都是這種感覺。”她說自己在整個(gè)大學(xué)生涯中“把人們給騙了”。在2011年的巴納德學(xué)院(Barnard College)畢業(yè)典禮上,她在致辭中稱,直到如今有時(shí)都會(huì)覺得不自信:“一直以來,我經(jīng)?!皇桥紶枴羞@種感受;我得說,絕大多數(shù)時(shí)候我覺得自己并沒有那么成功?!?/p> ????麥肯錫公司資深總監(jiān)、《杰出女性的領(lǐng)導(dǎo)之道》(How Remarkable Women Lead)一書的作者喬安娜?巴斯表示,自己職業(yè)道路上最大的挑戰(zhàn)來自于如何解開心結(jié),超越自我:“無(wú)論是過去還是現(xiàn)在,我都被一些畫地為牢的擔(dān)憂所困擾……由于愿意幫助我的人們并不了解我這種心理,他們會(huì)把我禮貌的婉拒‘不,多謝了’當(dāng)真,轉(zhuǎn)而把工作機(jī)會(huì)給下一個(gè)人——往往是個(gè)決心抓住這一機(jī)會(huì)的男人。所以,如何打破這種自我限制成了我所面臨的最大難題?!?/p> ????起初我覺得,“假裝自信”的辦法太虛偽,那意味著要對(duì)周圍的人撒謊。我擔(dān)心自己會(huì)露餡——他們會(huì)發(fā)現(xiàn)我其實(shí)不具備應(yīng)有的工作技能,或者我根本就不明白自己在干什么。后來我漸漸明白,這些擔(dān)心是沒道理的。但確實(shí)有太多時(shí)候,我會(huì)被心底里自我懷疑和不真誠(chéng)的質(zhì)疑聲牽著鼻子走。 ????馮芙絲汀寶、桑德伯格和巴斯讓我知道,我并不是唯一一個(gè)產(chǎn)生過這些消極念頭的職場(chǎng)女性。然而,僅僅知道這些影響力巨大的女性也會(huì)自我懷疑是不夠的:她們到底是怎么做到不再聽任這種感覺擺布,從而一路邁向今天的成功? ????巴斯的建議是,“提醒自己,或是發(fā)現(xiàn)自己真正想要什么。把注意力重新放到發(fā)展各種潛力上……擺脫無(wú)關(guān)緊要的工作,接受自己并不完美這個(gè)事實(shí),而且不要把完美作為追求目標(biāo)?!鄙5虏竦慕ㄗh也差不多:“別讓恐懼壓倒內(nèi)心的渴望。困難永遠(yuǎn)存在,要讓困難成為外在因素,而不要來自于你的內(nèi)心。幸運(yùn)總是偏愛勇敢的人,如果不去嘗試,永遠(yuǎn)也不會(huì)知道自己有多大能耐。”這是她給巴納德學(xué)院學(xué)生的忠告。 ????我是個(gè)有夢(mèng)想的人。無(wú)論對(duì)公司還是對(duì)自己,我都有遠(yuǎn)大的目標(biāo)。但一旦落實(shí)到行動(dòng)上,我經(jīng)常會(huì)猶豫不決。更糟糕的是,做了某件事后,我常常不斷責(zé)問自己本應(yīng)如何做得更好。我現(xiàn)在懂了,這種糟糕的感覺是作為職業(yè)人士的正常心理,對(duì)職業(yè)女性來說尤其如此。我已經(jīng)學(xué)會(huì)每天只專注于做自己擅長(zhǎng)的事,不再糾結(jié)于對(duì)失敗的恐懼。要成長(zhǎng)就要敢冒風(fēng)險(xiǎn),承擔(dān)重任,在自己沒有十足把握的情況下也敢大聲表達(dá)。這個(gè)過程中也許會(huì)有許多路障,但是小小的尷尬只會(huì)讓你學(xué)到更多東西。 ????每當(dāng)我開始懷疑自己的時(shí)候,我就會(huì)想,我到底是出于什么動(dòng)機(jī)去做自己沒把握的事。我訓(xùn)練自己專注于未來的可能性,同時(shí)努力讓頭腦中那些負(fù)面的聲音消失無(wú)蹤。(財(cái)富中文網(wǎng)) ????阿曼達(dá)?坡措特與卡洛琳?戈恩共同創(chuàng)辦了The Levo League ????譯者:清遠(yuǎn) |
????At a recent work meeting, I caught myself saying the following words: "Well, this isn't a great idea, but what if we did …" and then I stopped. I remember saying such things during my first few meetings as a consultant at McKinsey & Company, but I thought surely by now -- as someone who had created and developed a company -- I would not succumb to that kind of preemptive self-doubt. But there I was, suggesting that my thoughts weren't worthy of discussion. ????At a women's conference in 2010, Diane von Furstenberg responded to an audience member's question about how to behave confidently when you are not quite there with the following advice: "Fake it 'til you make it." ????Sheryl Sandberg, COO of Facebook (FB), echoed von Furstenberg's sentiment in a 2011 New Yorker profile. After listening to a college lecture on feeling like a fraud, she claimed, "I felt like that my whole life." Throughout her college years, Sandberg says, "I really fooled them." Addressing Barnard College graduates in 2011, she said that to this day she sometimes doesn't feel confident in herself: "All along the way, I've had all of those moments, not just some of the time; I would say most of the time, where I haven't felt that I owned my success." ????Joanna Barsh, senior director at McKinsey & Company and author of How Remarkable Women Lead, says her biggest career challenge was getting out of her own way: "I was -- and am -- plagued by limiting fears … and because my sponsors were not versed in how to interact with such a creature, they took my 'no thank you' at face value and offered their opportunity to the next person -- a man who invariably grabbed it. It turns out that the challenge of getting out of my own way was the biggest one I ever faced." ????At first I thought the concept of "faking it" was insincere, and that I would be lying to those around me. I was worried I'd be found out -- that they would discover that I don't have the skills to be doing what I am doing, or that I don't know what I am doing. I've come to recognize that these fears are irrational. But there are so many moments where I've let that little voice of doubt and insecurity take control. ????Von Furstenberg, Sandberg, and Barsh make me feel less alone in falling prey to these negative thoughts. But just knowing that these powerful women had youthful moments of doubt is not enough: How did they actually learn to not listen to that feeling and get to where they are today? ????Barsh suggests you should "remind yourself or find out what it is that you really want. Re-center yourself on possibilities ... Let go of non-mission critical tasks, accepting that you are not perfect and should not have that as a goal in mind." Sandberg's suggestion is similar: "Don't let your fears overwhelm your desire. Let the barriers you face -- and there will be barriers -- be external, not internal. Fortune does favor the bold, and I promise that you will never know what you're capable of unless you try," she told the Barnard audience. ????I'm a dreamer. I have big ideas for my company and for myself, but when it comes to action, I often hesitate, or worse, after I do something, I beat myself up over how I could have done it better. What I've come to learn is that the terrified feeling is part of being a professional, and especially part of being a female professional. I have learned to focus on what I can do one day at a time, ignoring the fear of failure. The opportunity to grow comes from taking risks, stretch assignments, and speaking up when you aren't 100% confident. There may be a few bumps, but slight embarrassment only leads to learning. ????When I begin to doubt myself, I think about my motivations for doing whatever it is I'm uncertain of. I train myself to focus on what is possible and try to silence that voice in the negative voice in the back of my head. ????Amanda Pouchot co-founded The Levo League with Caroline Ghosn. |
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