????親愛(ài)的安妮：我剛剛結(jié)束在這家公司的第三次年終績(jī)效評(píng)估，這是我大學(xué)畢業(yè)之后的第一份“正式工作”。與過(guò)去兩年一樣，連我本人都對(duì)自己的反應(yīng)感到震驚。我知道不能認(rèn)為這種批評(píng)是專門針對(duì)我的，或者產(chǎn)生抵觸心理，但有時(shí)候，當(dāng)老板告訴我需要在哪些方面有所改善的時(shí)候，我會(huì)變得意氣用事，有點(diǎn)驚慌失措。

????今年的情況更糟糕，雖然評(píng)估結(jié)果有85%是正面的。老板說(shuō)我有一個(gè)方面可以變得更好，但他還沒(méi)有說(shuō)完，我就開(kāi)始為自己辯解。我應(yīng)該如何讓自己不再因?yàn)榕u(píng)意見(jiàn)而感到不安。您有什么建議嗎？去年整個(gè)節(jié)日期間，我便因?yàn)檫@種事情而十分煩惱。今年，我不想再經(jīng)歷這樣的痛苦。——T.T.S.

????親愛(ài)的T.T.S.：相信我，許多人在績(jī)效評(píng)估結(jié)束之后，都會(huì)產(chǎn)生法語(yǔ)所稱的“樓梯智慧”(l’esprit de l’escalier)，也就是說(shuō)，當(dāng)你想到本應(yīng)該說(shuō)什么，或者本不該說(shuō)什么的時(shí)候，卻為時(shí)已晚。有此經(jīng)歷的人絕不止你一個(gè)。

????真的為時(shí)已晚了嗎？

????如果你確實(shí)想要另外一次機(jī)會(huì)，讓老板說(shuō)完他想說(shuō)的話，并以不同的方式進(jìn)行回應(yīng)，為什么不請(qǐng)求重來(lái)一次呢？

????高管培訓(xùn)機(jī)構(gòu)布萊特公司（Bright Enterprises）負(fù)責(zé)人黛比?布萊特強(qiáng)調(diào)稱：“你甚至可以在一開(kāi)始便解釋清楚，這一次，你會(huì)耐心傾聽(tīng)，不說(shuō)話?！辈既R特公司的客戶包括迪士尼（Disney）、通用電氣（GE）、摩根士丹利（Morgan Stanley）和萬(wàn)豪國(guó)際集團(tuán)（Marriott）等。此外，布萊特用七年時(shí)間研究了人們?nèi)绾螒?yīng)對(duì)反饋，尤其是在面臨壓力的情況下應(yīng)對(duì)反饋的方式，并以此為依據(jù)寫了一本書——《真話不一定傷人：如何用批評(píng)增強(qiáng)關(guān)系、提高績(jī)效和推動(dòng)改變》（The Truth Doesn’t Have to Hurt: How to Use Criticism to Strengthen Relationships, Improve Performance, and Promote Change）。她說(shuō)道，請(qǐng)求進(jìn)行另外一次會(huì)面，“可以向你的老板表明，你愿意接受他想要告訴你的建議?！?/p>

????這很重要，因?yàn)樵诓既R克看來(lái)，任何人在接受評(píng)估的時(shí)候，首先要讓提供評(píng)估的人感到舒適。聽(tīng)起來(lái)很意外嗎？布萊特說(shuō)道：“仔細(xì)想想，大多數(shù)管理者都討厭提供績(jī)效評(píng)估，因?yàn)樗麄円埠軗?dān)心其他人會(huì)如何回應(yīng)負(fù)面評(píng)價(jià)。所以，他們傾向于快速完成討論，趕緊走人。”

????當(dāng)然，問(wèn)題在于老板急于想結(jié)束績(jī)效評(píng)估，便可能會(huì)略過(guò)一些事關(guān)你職業(yè)成敗的信息。布萊特說(shuō)道：“你在績(jī)效評(píng)估中能夠?qū)W到的東西，可能對(duì)你很有必要，不僅對(duì)現(xiàn)在，對(duì)你的未來(lái)或許同樣重要?！辈既R特在咨詢工作當(dāng)中，經(jīng)常被邀請(qǐng)為一些才華橫溢的管理者提供咨詢，這些管理者的職業(yè)發(fā)展遇到了障礙，而原因則是一連串老板們?cè)?jīng)無(wú)數(shù)次警告過(guò)，但他們卻一直沒(méi)有改正的缺點(diǎn)和壞習(xí)慣。

????那么，在傾聽(tīng)的時(shí)候如何控制自己的情緒？專心思考如何讓老板感到放松，是個(gè)不錯(cuò)的開(kāi)始，因?yàn)槟憧梢宰詣?dòng)轉(zhuǎn)移對(duì)情緒的關(guān)注。然后，布萊特建議：“提醒自己，你是場(chǎng)面的掌控者。你如何應(yīng)對(duì)，將決定討論如何進(jìn)行，以及你能從討論中獲得多大的收獲?！比绻隳苷J(rèn)識(shí)到，即便自己不發(fā)一言，你也并非在扮演被動(dòng)的角色，那么，你所提到的那種恐慌感便會(huì)減少甚至消失。

????接下來(lái)，將注意力集中于自己需要采取的（或停止采取的）措施上。布萊特建議：“要確定自己清楚事實(shí)和意見(jiàn)之間的區(qū)別?！阍谀衬稠?xiàng)目上超出了預(yù)算30,000美元’是事實(shí)。‘你與同事的溝通不太理想’則是意見(jiàn)?！庇捎诖蠖鄶?shù)老板幾乎沒(méi)有接受過(guò)如何提供有效反饋的培訓(xùn)，因此這兩類反饋可能會(huì)被混為一談，但意見(jiàn)往往是模糊不清的，因此通常易于分辨。

????布萊特說(shuō)道：“試圖猜測(cè)老板想要什么是不可能成功的。人們最后往往都會(huì)猜錯(cuò)，而在下一次績(jī)效評(píng)估的時(shí)候，他們又會(huì)得到另外一個(gè)模糊不清的批評(píng)意見(jiàn)，久而久之，他們會(huì)認(rèn)為自己永遠(yuǎn)也無(wú)法讓老板高興?！?/p>

????相反，員工可以詢問(wèn)能夠解決問(wèn)題的具體措施。布萊特說(shuō)道：“例如，你可以建議從‘與同事更好的溝通’開(kāi)始，比如通過(guò)每周面對(duì)面的交流，而不是偶然的電子郵件?！币窠鉀Q工作中的其他任務(wù)一樣解決自己的問(wèn)題，提出一兩條實(shí)際的解決方案，這樣可以幫助你控制大部分情緒。

????既然你提到這是你在大學(xué)畢業(yè)后的第一份“正式工作”，你肯定還要繼續(xù)在職場(chǎng)打拼四五十年時(shí)間。所以，有遠(yuǎn)見(jiàn)對(duì)你將很有幫助。布萊特說(shuō)道：“人們之所以對(duì)不甚滿意的績(jī)效評(píng)估感到生氣，是因?yàn)樗麄冋J(rèn)為這會(huì)影響他們的整個(gè)職業(yè)生涯。但實(shí)際上這只不過(guò)是對(duì)一年表現(xiàn)的一次績(jī)效評(píng)估而已，公司的目標(biāo)和戰(zhàn)略每年都會(huì)變化。我從未見(jiàn)過(guò)在10次或20次‘超出預(yù)期’的評(píng)估結(jié)果中有一兩次‘達(dá)到預(yù)期’的評(píng)價(jià)，產(chǎn)生過(guò)任何長(zhǎng)遠(yuǎn)的影響?！?/p>

????此外，即便是總裁、權(quán)威和CEO們，在日常工作中有時(shí)也會(huì)收到批評(píng)意見(jiàn)。布萊特認(rèn)為：“一個(gè)人的職業(yè)生涯當(dāng)中不可能只聽(tīng)到好的反饋。事實(shí)上，如果你從未聽(tīng)到過(guò)任何建設(shè)性的批評(píng)意見(jiàn)，這或許意味著你沒(méi)有學(xué)到任何東西?！保ㄘ?cái)富中文網(wǎng)）

????譯者：劉進(jìn)龍/汪皓

????Dear Annie:I just came from my third year-end performance evaluation with this company, where I’m in my first “real job” since college. And once again, just like in the past two years, I’m appalled at the way I reacted. I know you’re not supposed to take criticism personally or get defensive, but somehow, when my boss starts telling me about areas I could develop or improve, my emotions take over and I sort of panic.

????This year was the worst so far, even though the evaluation was about 85% positive. My boss brought up one thing he thinks I could get better at, and I started defending myself before he even finished talking. Can you suggest any ways to stop letting criticism upset me so much? Last year I spent the holidays stewing over this, and I don’t want to do that again. —Too Thin-Skinned

????Dear T.T.S.:Believe me, you’re far from the only one who’s ever left a performance appraisal with a bad case of what the French calll’esprit de l’escalier— that is, thinking of what you should have said (or not said) when it’s obviously too late.

????Or is it?

????If you really want another chance to let your boss finish what he meant to say, and to respond in a different way this time, why not ask for a do-over?

????“You could even explain at the outset that, this time, you intend to listen and not speak,” notes Deb Bright, head of executive coaching firm Bright Enterprises, which counts Disney, GE, Morgan Stanley, and Marriott among its clients. Bright also wrote a book,The Truth Doesn’t Have to Hurt: How to Use Criticism to Strengthen Relationships, ImprovePerformance,and Promote Change, based on a seven-year study of how people respond to feedback, especially when they’re under stress. Asking for another meeting, she says, “would show him that you want to be receptive to what he wants to tell you.”

????That’s important because, in Bright’s view, the first job of anyone on the receiving end of an evaluation is to make the person who is giving it feel comfortable. Surprised? “Think about it,” says Bright. “Most managers hate giving performance appraisals, because they dread how someone is going to react to anything negative. So they tend to rush through the discussion just to get it over with.”

????The trouble, of course, is that the boss may be in such a hurry that he or she skips over information that could make or break your career. “What you can learn in a performance appraisal are things you may need, not just right now, but later on,” notes Bright. In her consulting work, she has often been called in to counsel talented managers whose careers had hit a brick wall because of shortcomings and bad habits that a string of bosses had tried to warn them about for years.

????So how do you get a grip on your emotions while you’re listening? Focusing on making your boss feel at ease is a good start, since it automatically shifts your attention away from your emotions. Then, says Bright, “Remind yourself that you are the one in control here. How you respond will determine how the discussion goes, and how much or little you get out of it.” The sense of panic you mention could be diminished, or dispelled, if you recognize that even if you’re not saying a word, your role here isn’t a passive one.

????Next, concentrate on finding out what specific actions you need to take (or stop taking). “Make sure you know the difference between a fact and an opinion,” Bright suggests. “’You were $30,000 over budget on the XYZ project’ is a fact. ‘You don’t communicate well enough with your peers’ is an opinion.” Since most bosses have had little, if any, training in giving effective feedback, the two types of feedback may very well be tangled up together, but you can usually tell an opinion by how vague it is.

????“Trying to guess what your boss wants won’t work,” says Bright. “People end up guessing wrong, and then they get another vague, critical opinion in their next review, and conclude that they can never please this boss.”

????Instead, ask for particular steps that would solve the perceived problem. “For example, you might suggest starting to ‘communicate better with your peers’ by updating them in person every week instead of through an occasional email,” says Bright. Approaching this like any other task you do at work, by coming up with a practical fix or two, should help take most of the emotion out of it.

????Since you mention that this is your first “real job” after college, you probably have four or five decades of work ahead of you. So it might help to keep a sense of perspective. “People often get upset about a so-so performance review because they think it will damage their whole career,” says Bright. “But it’s just one review, in one year, and companies’ goals and strategies change from one year to the next anyway. I’ve never seen a situation where one or two ‘meets expectations’ evaluations — out of, say, 10 or 20 ‘exceeds expectations’ — made any real difference in the long run.”

????Moreover, even presidents, popes, and CEOs get harpooned, sometimes on a daily basis. “No one goes through a whole career hearing only great feedback,” Bright observes. “In fact, if you haven’t heard any constructive criticism lately, it means you probably aren’t learning anything.”