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專欄 - Stanley Bing

豐田,我愛你!再見

Stanley Bing 2011年05月06日

斯坦利?賓(Stanley Bing)是《財富》雜志專欄作家,最近出的一本書是《高管秘籍:在職退休手法指南》(Executricks: Or How to Retire While You're Still Working,Collins出版公司出版),各處較好的書店有售。他的聯(lián)系方式是bingblog@gmail.com。
能買部豐田車,著實令我興奮不已。但是,我可沒準(zhǔn)備建立你們所希望的那種關(guān)系。

????最親愛的:

????我懷著沉重的心情寫這封信,但我心里明白,我非寫不可。過去幾個月,事情變得越來越明顯:你們需要我遠(yuǎn)勝于我需要你們。在我們其中之一或者雙方都受到傷害之前,事情必須做個了斷。不,千萬別哭!這樣對我們都有利。我得說實話,一旦擺脫了對我的這種迷戀,你盡管肯定會滿腹委屈,但你會重獲自由,去愛其他人。

????我理解你的感受。3月份,我買了部新的RAV4,那一刻,我們雙方都狂喜不已,那份感受我會銘記終生。我還清楚地記得,我走進(jìn)展廳看到這輛車,一眼便認(rèn)出它正是我需要的。它是那么的光芒四射!而且,其可選配件也堪稱無與倫比。我也記得,她的玻璃天窗輕柔地滑動時那可愛的模樣,讓我得以從車內(nèi)一瞥早春那澄澈如洗的碧空。我更記得,借助她的六汽缸,剛一啟動,轉(zhuǎn)瞬間,速度就飆到了60邁。那次試車會永遠(yuǎn)銘刻在我心里。

????而且,千萬別以為我會忘記,你們?nèi)绾屋p易地就讓我簽了購買合同,并迅速地“將我掃地出門”。買輛車可是件大事。但跟你們打交道,這件事卻變得如此易如反掌:你們向我演示了需要了解的每個細(xì)節(jié),并且詳細(xì)地制定了保養(yǎng)日程表,你們讓我覺得自己像個國王,親愛的!與你們相比,我之前看過的其他所有車都顯得如此廉價、俗氣、輕薄。非常感謝!我發(fā)自內(nèi)心的這么想!

????但是,自此以后,事情就開始變得不對勁兒了。也許,我們雙方對于彼此之間的關(guān)系有著截然不同的理解,僅此而已。于我而言,我們的交易漂亮且熱烈,雙方互惠互利。很顯然,對你們來說,我們的交易只是個開端,接下來應(yīng)該發(fā)展出一段深入且深遠(yuǎn)的關(guān)系,而且這段關(guān)系需要不斷更新。我有自己的生活,親愛的。我經(jīng)常出差。我根本沒時間對你所希望的那類緊密聯(lián)系做出反應(yīng)。

????現(xiàn)在,當(dāng)我寫這封信時,我的案頭上碼著一摞打印出來的電子郵件,足足有半英寸高。那是在不到6周的時間里,你們寫給我的!太多了!我的收件箱都被你們的迫切請求、產(chǎn)品和服務(wù)介紹以及確認(rèn)請求給阻塞了。罷手吧!求求你們了!

????起初,一切看起來順理成章。貴公司的總經(jīng)理祝賀我購買了豐田汽車。我很高興收到她的來信,盡管她的腔調(diào)讓人有點(diǎn)不祥的預(yù)感?!拔覀兎浅jP(guān)心你是否滿意,這不過剛剛開始?!彼龑懙溃骸拔覀兤谕?,雙方的合作關(guān)系能夠持續(xù)下去,我們誠摯地希望,自始至終你對我們的服務(wù)感到百分百的滿意?!边@句話讓我有一丁點(diǎn)兒不舒服。生活中,有誰能讓另一個人百分之百的滿意?

????接下來,我又收到了賣車給我的銷售代表內(nèi)德的私人郵件?!坝捎谀愕男湃?,”他寫道:“豐田的每名員工都認(rèn)識到,你的滿意度對我們的未來至關(guān)重要。”真的嗎?我可不想承擔(dān)這么重大的責(zé)任!

????再接下來,我還收到了你們提出寄送各類小裝飾品、紀(jì)念品以及其他激勵性物品的信件,需要我回復(fù),與你們會晤,按以前的速度和熱情維持我們之間的關(guān)系。我被告知,我已經(jīng)注冊,可以使用你們提供的在線服務(wù)調(diào)度解決方案。你們甚至給我指定了用戶名和密碼,密碼保密性真高,我還得將之藏在“安全的地方”,以防他人竊取。再下一步你們又會干些什么?有個針對少年及其父母的安全駕駛計劃。不勝感謝!接著,要求我提供反饋意見的郵件,如涓涓細(xì)流源源不斷地涌入。頭一回接到你們的請求時,我確實回復(fù)了。然后收到了越來越多的請求。我沒能回復(fù)第二封郵件請求,然后第三封和第四封請求郵件就接踵而至,你們就不理解沉默的含意嗎?增加你們的安全感可不是我的份內(nèi)之事,我親愛的。我深知,2010年你們舉步維艱。但靠我個人的微薄力量,也無能為力呀。所以,對于購買零配件給予15%折扣的好意,我心領(lǐng)了。謝謝!但是,這一切必須到此為止,馬上結(jié)束。

????結(jié)束了。也許我們會在路上相遇,我的車還能跑近6萬英里。如果你們愿意,需要時我會去找你們的,我親愛的。到那時再見吧!

????譯者:大海

????Dearest,

????I write this with a heavy heart, but in the knowledge that it must be done. It's become clear over the last months that I am simply more important to you than you are to me. This must end before one or both of us gets hurt. No, don't cry! It's for the best. Once free of this -- I must call it what it is! -- this obsession you have with me, you will grieve, to be sure, but then you will be free to love others.

????I understand the way you feel. The intense moments of pleasure that we both experienced when I purchased my new RAV4 in March were feelings that I will remember for the rest of my life. I remember walking into that showroom and seeing the vehicle that was the object of my quest. So shiny! And the options -- incomparable. I recall the lovely smooth glide of her moon roof as it slid back to reveal the crisp sky of early spring, and the way her six cylinders moved me from 0 to 60 in just a hair over six seconds. Nothing can take that first test drive away from us.

????And don't think I will ever forget the ease with which you got my paperwork finished and whisked me out the door. Buying a car is a pretty big deal. You made it look easy. Showed me everything I needed to know. Set up my schedule of maintenance visits. You made me feel like a king, dear. You made all others who came before seem cheap, tawdry, and shallow. So thanks. I mean that from the bottom of my crankshaft.

????But after that things started to go wrong. Maybe we just have a different idea of what a relationship like ours should be. To me, the two of us had a beautiful, intense transaction that was good for us both. For you, it's obvious, what we did together was meant to be the beginning of something deep and profound that had to be renewed again and again. I have a life, dear. I travel a lot. I just don't have time for the kind of intense connection that it's clear you have in mind.

????I have on my desk as I write this a stack of e-mail printouts half an inch high, and that's from less than six weeks! It's too much! My in-box is clogged with your importunings, offerings, and requests for validation. Stop! I beg you!

????They began reasonably enough. Your General Manager congratulated me on my purchase. I was happy to hear from her, though her tone was a little ominous. "Our interest in your satisfaction is just the beginning," she wrote. "We look forward to a continuing relationship, and it is our sincere desire that you remain completely satisfied." This made me a tiny bit uneasy. Who can offer complete satisfaction to another in this life?

????Next came the personal e-mail from Ned, my sales-person. "Since you've placed your confidence with us," he wrote, "everyone here at Toyota realizes that your satisfaction is the key to our future." Really? I don't want that kind of responsibility!

????Then came the offers of toys, keepsakes, and inducements for me to return, to see you, to keep up the pace and tenor of our former association. I was informed that I had been registered to use your online service scheduling solution. You even issued me a user name and a password so secret it had to be hidden in a "safe place" lest someone purloin it. What was next? There was a safe-driving program for teens and parents. Several more notes of thanks. And then began the steady drip, drip, drip of requests for feedback on my experience with you. I did the first you asked for. Then there were more. When I failed to answer the second, then the third and fourth such request, couldn't you take a hint? It's not my role in life to deal with your insecurities, my love. I know you had a bad 2010. I can't solve that single-handedly. So thanks for the offer of 15% off on parts and accessories. But let it end, here and now.

????It's over. Perhaps we'll see each other down the road, in about 60,000 miles. I'll be there if you will, my love. Until then, sayonara!

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