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專欄 - Stanley Bing

良心大考驗:你是個守規(guī)矩的人嗎?

Stanley Bing 2012年09月10日

斯坦利?賓(Stanley Bing)是《財富》雜志專欄作家,最近出的一本書是《高管秘籍:在職退休手法指南》(Executricks: Or How to Retire While You're Still Working,Collins出版公司出版),各處較好的書店有售。他的聯(lián)系方式是bingblog@gmail.com。
如今,政治、經(jīng)濟(jì)、文化、體育領(lǐng)域的丑聞層出不窮,你方唱罷我登場。蔑視一切規(guī)則的似乎人越來越多了,違法亂紀(jì)似乎已經(jīng)成為一種潮流。那么,你是不是個守規(guī)矩的人?來參加一下這個測試吧,看看你是不是與時俱進(jìn),已經(jīng)學(xué)會了同流合污。

????有這樣一種人,他們認(rèn)為不管是在生活中還是在生意場,任何規(guī)矩都對他們不起作用。到處是這種人,而且這種印象越來越明顯,因為不管是在金融、政治、宗教組織,還是其文化副本:體育組織,我們每天都會讀到層出不窮的丑聞。所以并不奇怪為何人們對制度的信任滑落到了歷史低點。讀者諸君應(yīng)該問問自己:你與時俱進(jìn)了嗎?測試一下,看看答案。

????如果你的公司有機(jī)會賺一大筆錢,但是得替武器販子和販毒集團(tuán)洗錢,你會干嗎?

????A. 會。就算我不干,也會有別的人干。

????B. 不,我可不是銀行家。

????如果你知道某種產(chǎn)品沒有合適的商業(yè)模式,在未來5年內(nèi)也無法盈利,但你可以為其募集資金、上市、然后及時兌現(xiàn)你的股份,再冷眼旁觀公司不可避免地滑向破產(chǎn)深淵,讓那些輕信的投資者背黑鍋。你會這么做嗎?

????A. 當(dāng)然。創(chuàng)業(yè)市場就是這么賺錢的!

????B. 不,我又不是風(fēng)險投資家、科技博客作者或者斯坦福(Stanford)畢業(yè)生。

????如果你是確定利率的負(fù)責(zé)人之一,該利率將決定全球信貸成本,你可以捏造數(shù)據(jù)而且逃脫處罰。你會這么做嗎?

????A. 會,如果其他人也這么做的話。

????B. 不,我可不是銀行家。

????如果你是tiddlywink游戲(用大拇指玩的無聊游戲——譯注)的冠軍,但覺得你的大拇指開始變得僵硬,為了延長職業(yè)壽命,你會服用能提高成績的違禁藥物嗎?

????A. 會,只要不被查出來。

????B. 不會,除非那種藥也會讓我在床上神勇無比。

????如果你是制藥公司的員工,你知道有一項實驗顯示公司的某種藥物會讓青蛙長出第3只眼。你會隱瞞這份報告,直到該藥的專利失效嗎?

????A. 就一個實驗而已?來源在哪里?我們得駁斥這種謬論!

????B. 不會,但我沒有得該死的腳氣(暗指該藥用于治腳氣——譯注)。

????如果你發(fā)現(xiàn)公司2012年的優(yōu)秀業(yè)績?nèi)繌?qiáng)取豪奪他人的家園,你還會接受獎金嗎?

????A. 會。獎金多好啊。

????B. 不,我可不是銀行家。

????如果你每年收入數(shù)億美元,你會聘用一個能干的律師團(tuán)隊想盡辦法幫你避稅嗎?

????A. 會。多交一個子兒的稅我都不干,多交稅就像服用違禁藥物然后被抓一樣可恥。

????B. 不!……不過……真的有這樣的方法嗎?

????如果你的工作就是向天真幼稚、缺乏經(jīng)驗而又輕信于人的投資者兜售證券,對于你的公司正在秘密大舉做空的投資產(chǎn)品,你還會大力推銷嗎?

????A. 那些衛(wèi)道士真煩人,他們不懂市場里只有輸贏,(沒有道德),只有贏家才能活下來。

????B. 不,我可不是銀行家。不過我現(xiàn)在開始想,我要真是銀行家就好了。

????計分:每選一個A,就給自己加10分,因為顯然你是世界的主宰。每選一個B,就給自己減10分,因為兄弟,你真是拎不清。

????It's increasingly clear that the world is full of people who believe that the rules, in life and in business, do not apply to them. Every day you read tales of miscreancy in finance, politics, organized religion, and its cultural counterpart, organized sports. It's no mystery why trust in our institutions is at an all-time low. So ask yourself: Are you in step with the times? Take this little quiz and see.

????If your enterprise had a chance to make a huge amount of money by laundering cash for weapons dealers and drug cartels, would you do it?

????A. Yes. If I didn't do it, somebody else would.

????B. No, I'm not a banker.

????If you knew about a product that had no business model and could not see its way to profitability in the next five years, would you raise money for it, take it public, and then cash out just in time to watch it spiral down into insolvency, leaving credulous investors holding the bag?

????A. Sure. That's the way the startup market operates!

????B. No, I'm not a venture capitalist, tech blogger, or Stanford graduate.

????If you were one of the people responsible for establishing the interest rate that determined the cost of loans all over the world, would you fudge the numbers if you thought you could get away with it?

????A. Yes, if everybody else was doing it.

????B. No, I'm not a banker.

????If you were a champion tiddlywinker and felt your thumbs growing stiff, would you take performance-enhancing drugs to prolong your career?

????A. Yes, but only if they were undetectable.

????B. No, unless they would also help me in the sack.

????If you worked for a pharmaceutical company and knew of a test showing that one of your drugs caused frogs to grow a third eyeball, would you bury the report in chocolate pudding until the product went off patent?

????A. One test? What was its provenance? We dispute it!

????B. No, but I don't have to suffer from the horror of athlete's foot.

????If you found out that your enterprise achieved its excellent results for 2012 by illegally forcing people from their homes, would you accept your bonus?

????A. Yes. I like my bonus.

????B. No, I'm not a banker.

????If you made hundreds of millions of dollars a year, would you hire a brilliant team of lawyers to figure out a bunch of ways to avoid paying taxes?

????A. Yes. Paying one penny more in taxes than you have to is as wrong as taking performance-enhancing drugs and getting caught.

????B. No! ... er ... is there a way to do that?

????If your job was to sell securities to naive, untrained, and generally unsuspecting investors, would you put a hard sell on investment products that your firm secretly was betting big money would fail?

????A. I really hate moralistic jerks who don't understand that the marketplace is all about winners and losers, and it's better to be a goddamn winner.

????B. No, I'm not a banker. But I'm starting to wish I were one.

????Scoring:Give yourself 10 points for every (a), because the world is yours, apparently. And deduct 10 points for every (b). You clearly don't know the score, pal.

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