如果老板在同事面前對你大聲呵斥,要求你做超出職權(quán)范圍的事情或者不當(dāng)行為,事后員工會面臨一個簡單但棘手的問題:我應(yīng)該逃離、抗?fàn)?,還是無動于衷?
職業(yè)教練凱爾·埃利奧特博士對《財富》雜志表示,為自己辯護(hù)可以帶來巨大的好處,“包括壓力更小的工作環(huán)境、與老板更好的關(guān)系和更完善的溝通渠道”。
然而,在當(dāng)前的經(jīng)濟(jì)環(huán)境下,雇主紛紛宣布減少招聘和大規(guī)模裁員,如果公司高管不得不裁員,這時候反駁老板,可能令自己成為被針對的對象。
因此,聰明地選擇哪些對抗是值得的,能夠引起老板的關(guān)注,這一點(diǎn)非常重要。
臨床心理學(xué)家、公司與領(lǐng)導(dǎo)力教練和斯特拉思克萊德大學(xué)(Strathclyde University)的教授羅斯·泰勒警告:“并非所有分歧或沮喪都值得解決,而且一次性提出太多問題,可能讓事情變得更復(fù)雜?!?/p>
這是一種兩難境地,她的客戶經(jīng)常要慎重考慮。
幸運(yùn)的是,泰勒和埃利奧特提供了一些明智的忠告,可以幫助人們確定與老板對峙的恰當(dāng)時機(jī),以及如何在冒險的時候?qū)ψ钚』?/p>
評估狀況和你的感受
與老板發(fā)生沖突后,容易發(fā)生的問題是將事情變成私人恩怨,爆發(fā)情緒。
泰勒說:“然后我們會擔(dān)心如果我們?yōu)樽约恨q護(hù),可能就會突然大哭或者尖叫?!钡龔?qiáng)調(diào),無論你覺得自己如何憤怒,“在與老板溝通的時候關(guān)鍵是保持冷靜?!?/p>
因此,為了讓自己冷靜下來(避免說一些可能后悔的話),重要的是首先要客觀。
泰勒建議,按照從1到10的分值,評價自己的感受、事情發(fā)生的頻率,以及問題對你而言的重要性。
她堅持認(rèn)為:“如果分值很高,問題不斷發(fā)生,并且嚴(yán)重程度達(dá)到8分、9分,甚至10分,那你就必須解決它。”但如果你對狀況和自己的感受進(jìn)行評估后,發(fā)現(xiàn)它的評分相對較低,原因可能只是老板心情不好。
泰勒表示:“有時候,老板的表現(xiàn)并非總是與你有關(guān)?!睆睦习遄约杭抑械膯栴},到以高人一等的語氣與下屬說話,“老板生活中可能正在經(jīng)歷各種事件,很可惜,你恰好在某個時刻出現(xiàn)在老板面前。”
時機(jī)很關(guān)鍵
埃利奧特稱:“決定什么時候與老板對峙,這是每個人自己的選擇,但相比等待幾周、幾個月,甚至幾年后提出一長串問題,在問題出現(xiàn)后立即提出來通常更容易?!?/p>
注意,這依舊不意味著要在沖動之下堅持自己的立場。但如果你對某件事情感受強(qiáng)烈,最好將其消滅在萌芽狀態(tài),而不是讓問題持續(xù)惡化,直至你的忍耐達(dá)到極限。
問題發(fā)生后一周內(nèi)通常是一個合理的時間,既能夠舒緩你的怒氣,又不會讓你失去說出問題的機(jī)會窗口。泰勒建議,至少給自己一個晚上的時間冷靜下來,練習(xí)自己想說的話。
此外,你還要考慮時機(jī)。最糟糕的做法是,當(dāng)老板正在準(zhǔn)備第二天的一項重要演示的時候激怒他。
埃利奧特建議:“如果你有每周一次或者每兩周一次與老板一對一交流的機(jī)會,這就是表達(dá)不滿的良好場合?!贝送猓├战ㄗh問自己一個問題:這是否是破壞現(xiàn)狀的好時機(jī)?
DESC法
為了避免陷入情緒激烈的辯論和相互指責(zé)(作為下屬不可能取得勝利),最好堅持以事實說話,并說出你對某個問題的感受。
埃利奧特說:“如果你選擇直面上司,一定不要只提出問題,還要提出解決方案。我經(jīng)常鼓勵客戶做好準(zhǔn)備提出令他們煩惱的具體情況,因為優(yōu)秀的管理者希望聽到員工用具體的例子說明他們的問題。但還要更進(jìn)一步,提供可能更適合你的多個選項?!?/p>
泰勒也鼓勵客戶使用“DESC”法創(chuàng)建一份腳本。所謂“DESC”,代表了描述(Description)、情緒(Emotion)、解決方案(Solution)和后果(Consequence)。
首先準(zhǔn)確說明狀況,描述你的感受,然后提出一個解決方案,說明你更希望老板如何與你溝通或者如何對待你,最后總結(jié)如果一切如常可能產(chǎn)生的后果。
例如:“周五,您發(fā)送了一連串郵件貶低我,這令我非常生氣。未來,如果我犯錯,希望您可以私下與我交流,讓我能夠自己與客戶解決,否則可能對我的自信心以及其他人如何看待我的能力產(chǎn)生連鎖反應(yīng)?!?/p>
為遭到反噬做好準(zhǔn)備
無論你選擇哪種方式,與老板對峙總是存在風(fēng)險,尤其是對于不習(xí)慣接受反饋的老板。
泰勒有一位來自法律行業(yè)的年輕客戶最終鼓起勇氣告訴上司,她希望上司不要對她大喊大叫。這名年輕人說出自己辛苦練習(xí)的一番話后,對方瞪著她回復(fù)了一句“滾”。
泰勒表示:“我對此感覺很糟糕。但她在說出想說的話后,感覺好多了,而且這對她有好處,因為其他同事從未對那個人說出自己的感受?!?/p>
在大膽說出自己的想法之前,首先要考慮你的終極目標(biāo)是什么。
如果你只是為了說出自己的想法,沒有問題,但你要清楚,這樣做可能不會讓對方的行為有任何改變,甚至可能進(jìn)一步破壞你與上司之間的關(guān)系。
埃利奧特建議:“如果你只想發(fā)泄,或者指出對方個性上的缺點(diǎn),你最好忍住,而是找朋友或者導(dǎo)師傾訴?!?/p>
如果你希望與老板對峙能實現(xiàn)特定的結(jié)果,他建議先用“小的反饋”試試水,并且要準(zhǔn)備提出示例和解決方案,但不要變成個人恩怨。
他還表示:“最后,你無法預(yù)測當(dāng)你說出自己的想法時上司的反應(yīng)。然而,你可以想象一下如果你處在他們的位置,你希望其他人如何對待你,從而提高他們改善的概率?!保ㄘ敻恢形木W(wǎng))
翻譯:劉進(jìn)龍
審校:汪皓
如果老板在同事面前對你大聲呵斥,要求你做超出職權(quán)范圍的事情或者不當(dāng)行為,事后員工會面臨一個簡單但棘手的問題:我應(yīng)該逃離、抗?fàn)?,還是無動于衷?
職業(yè)教練凱爾·埃利奧特博士對《財富》雜志表示,為自己辯護(hù)可以帶來巨大的好處,“包括壓力更小的工作環(huán)境、與老板更好的關(guān)系和更完善的溝通渠道”。
然而,在當(dāng)前的經(jīng)濟(jì)環(huán)境下,雇主紛紛宣布減少招聘和大規(guī)模裁員,如果公司高管不得不裁員,這時候反駁老板,可能令自己成為被針對的對象。
因此,聰明地選擇哪些對抗是值得的,能夠引起老板的關(guān)注,這一點(diǎn)非常重要。
臨床心理學(xué)家、公司與領(lǐng)導(dǎo)力教練和斯特拉思克萊德大學(xué)(Strathclyde University)的教授羅斯·泰勒警告:“并非所有分歧或沮喪都值得解決,而且一次性提出太多問題,可能讓事情變得更復(fù)雜?!?/p>
這是一種兩難境地,她的客戶經(jīng)常要慎重考慮。
幸運(yùn)的是,泰勒和埃利奧特提供了一些明智的忠告,可以幫助人們確定與老板對峙的恰當(dāng)時機(jī),以及如何在冒險的時候?qū)ψ钚』?/p>
評估狀況和你的感受
與老板發(fā)生沖突后,容易發(fā)生的問題是將事情變成私人恩怨,爆發(fā)情緒。
泰勒說:“然后我們會擔(dān)心如果我們?yōu)樽约恨q護(hù),可能就會突然大哭或者尖叫?!钡龔?qiáng)調(diào),無論你覺得自己如何憤怒,“在與老板溝通的時候關(guān)鍵是保持冷靜?!?/p>
因此,為了讓自己冷靜下來(避免說一些可能后悔的話),重要的是首先要客觀。
泰勒建議,按照從1到10的分值,評價自己的感受、事情發(fā)生的頻率,以及問題對你而言的重要性。
她堅持認(rèn)為:“如果分值很高,問題不斷發(fā)生,并且嚴(yán)重程度達(dá)到8分、9分,甚至10分,那你就必須解決它?!钡绻銓顩r和自己的感受進(jìn)行評估后,發(fā)現(xiàn)它的評分相對較低,原因可能只是老板心情不好。
泰勒表示:“有時候,老板的表現(xiàn)并非總是與你有關(guān)。”從老板自己家中的問題,到以高人一等的語氣與下屬說話,“老板生活中可能正在經(jīng)歷各種事件,很可惜,你恰好在某個時刻出現(xiàn)在老板面前。”
時機(jī)很關(guān)鍵
埃利奧特稱:“決定什么時候與老板對峙,這是每個人自己的選擇,但相比等待幾周、幾個月,甚至幾年后提出一長串問題,在問題出現(xiàn)后立即提出來通常更容易。”
注意,這依舊不意味著要在沖動之下堅持自己的立場。但如果你對某件事情感受強(qiáng)烈,最好將其消滅在萌芽狀態(tài),而不是讓問題持續(xù)惡化,直至你的忍耐達(dá)到極限。
問題發(fā)生后一周內(nèi)通常是一個合理的時間,既能夠舒緩你的怒氣,又不會讓你失去說出問題的機(jī)會窗口。泰勒建議,至少給自己一個晚上的時間冷靜下來,練習(xí)自己想說的話。
此外,你還要考慮時機(jī)。最糟糕的做法是,當(dāng)老板正在準(zhǔn)備第二天的一項重要演示的時候激怒他。
埃利奧特建議:“如果你有每周一次或者每兩周一次與老板一對一交流的機(jī)會,這就是表達(dá)不滿的良好場合?!贝送?,泰勒建議問自己一個問題:這是否是破壞現(xiàn)狀的好時機(jī)?
DESC法
為了避免陷入情緒激烈的辯論和相互指責(zé)(作為下屬不可能取得勝利),最好堅持以事實說話,并說出你對某個問題的感受。
埃利奧特說:“如果你選擇直面上司,一定不要只提出問題,還要提出解決方案。我經(jīng)常鼓勵客戶做好準(zhǔn)備提出令他們煩惱的具體情況,因為優(yōu)秀的管理者希望聽到員工用具體的例子說明他們的問題。但還要更進(jìn)一步,提供可能更適合你的多個選項。”
泰勒也鼓勵客戶使用“DESC”法創(chuàng)建一份腳本。所謂“DESC”,代表了描述(Description)、情緒(Emotion)、解決方案(Solution)和后果(Consequence)。
首先準(zhǔn)確說明狀況,描述你的感受,然后提出一個解決方案,說明你更希望老板如何與你溝通或者如何對待你,最后總結(jié)如果一切如??赡墚a(chǎn)生的后果。
例如:“周五,您發(fā)送了一連串郵件貶低我,這令我非常生氣。未來,如果我犯錯,希望您可以私下與我交流,讓我能夠自己與客戶解決,否則可能對我的自信心以及其他人如何看待我的能力產(chǎn)生連鎖反應(yīng)。”
為遭到反噬做好準(zhǔn)備
無論你選擇哪種方式,與老板對峙總是存在風(fēng)險,尤其是對于不習(xí)慣接受反饋的老板。
泰勒有一位來自法律行業(yè)的年輕客戶最終鼓起勇氣告訴上司,她希望上司不要對她大喊大叫。這名年輕人說出自己辛苦練習(xí)的一番話后,對方瞪著她回復(fù)了一句“滾”。
泰勒表示:“我對此感覺很糟糕。但她在說出想說的話后,感覺好多了,而且這對她有好處,因為其他同事從未對那個人說出自己的感受。”
在大膽說出自己的想法之前,首先要考慮你的終極目標(biāo)是什么。
如果你只是為了說出自己的想法,沒有問題,但你要清楚,這樣做可能不會讓對方的行為有任何改變,甚至可能進(jìn)一步破壞你與上司之間的關(guān)系。
埃利奧特建議:“如果你只想發(fā)泄,或者指出對方個性上的缺點(diǎn),你最好忍住,而是找朋友或者導(dǎo)師傾訴?!?/p>
如果你希望與老板對峙能實現(xiàn)特定的結(jié)果,他建議先用“小的反饋”試試水,并且要準(zhǔn)備提出示例和解決方案,但不要變成個人恩怨。
他還表示:“最后,你無法預(yù)測當(dāng)你說出自己的想法時上司的反應(yīng)。然而,你可以想象一下如果你處在他們的位置,你希望其他人如何對待你,從而提高他們改善的概率?!保ㄘ敻恢形木W(wǎng))
翻譯:劉進(jìn)龍
審校:汪皓
In the moments after your boss shouts at you in front of your peers, demands you do something way beyond your job scope, or acts inappropriately, workers face a simple—but tough—question: Should I flee, fight, or freeze?
There can be considerable benefits to standing up for yourself, “including a less stressful work environment, a better relationship with your boss, and improved lines of communication,” career coach Dr. Kyle Elliott tells Fortune.
However, in the current economic climate, where employers are announcing cutbacks and mass layoffs, it might feel like speaking out will put a target on your back if executives have to cull the workforce.
That’s why it’s important to choose wisely which battles are worth bringing to your boss’s attention.
“Not every disagreement or frustration is worth addressing and bringing up too many concerns at once can actually muddy the waters,” cautions Ros Taylor, a clinical psychologist, corporate and leadership coach, and professor at Strathclyde University.
It’s a dilemma that her clients are often stuck mulling over.
Thankfully, Taylor and Elliott have some sage advice on knowing when it is the right time to confront your boss—and how to put your neck on the line with minimum damage.
Assess the situation and your feelings
In the immediate aftermath of a brush with your boss, the danger is taking it too personally and having an outburst.
“Then we’re frightened that if we speak, we either burst into tears or scream,” Taylor says while highlighting that no matter how angry you feel, “the main thing is to keep your cool when dealing with a boss.”
So in order to calmly collect yourself (and avoid saying something you might regret), it’s important to first have some objectivity.
Taylor suggests ranking how you feel, how often it happens, and how important this problem is for you to voice on a scale of 1-10.
“If it’s up there, and it’s happening all the time, and it’s a particularly bad one at an eight, nine or a 10, then you’ve got to deal with that,” she insists. But if after assessing the situation and how you feel, you realize that it ranks fairly lowly then it could point to the boss simply having a bad day.
“Sometimes it’s not always about you,” Taylor says. From the boss’s problems at home to a talking down from their own superior, “there could be all sorts of things that might be going on in their lives and unfortunately, you stood in the way in that particular moment.”
Timing is key
“While deciding when to confront your boss is a personal choice, it’s often easier to bring up individual concerns as they arise, rather than waiting weeks, months, or even years, then presenting a laundry list of concerns,” Elliott says.
Take note that this still doesn’t mean standing your ground in the heat of the moment. But if you feel strongly about something, it’s better to nip it in the bud sooner rather than letting issues bubble up until you reach breaking point.
A good amount of time to give yourself to let your anger subside without missing your window of opportunity to speak up about the issue is generally up to a week after it took place. But at the very least, Taylor suggests giving yourself a night to calm down and practice what you want to say.
Plus you’ll want to think about timing. The last thing you want to do is aggravate your manager while they’re in the middle of preparing for an important presentation that’s due the next day.
“If you have a weekly or biweekly one-on-one with your manager, this can be a good place to air your grievances,” Elliott suggests, meanwhile Taylor suggests you ask yourself: Is this the right time to rock boats?
The DESC method
To avoid getting into a heated emotional debate and playing the blame game—where it’s unlikely you’ll come out on top—it’s better to stick to facts and lay out how that made you feel.
“If you do choose to confront your manager, be sure to present them with solutions, not just problems,” Elliot says. “I often encourage clients to be prepared to also point to specific situations that bothered them, as good managers will want concrete examples of where they messed up. But don’t stop there—also share a few options of what would have worked better for you.”
Similarly, Taylor encourages her clients to create a script using the “DESC” method, which stands for Description, Emotion, Solution and Consequence.
First pin point the situation, describe how it made you feel, then offer a solution of how you would have preferred to be approached or treated, and conclude with the consequence of business remaining as usual.
For example: “On Friday you undermined me in a chain email and it was very upsetting. In future, if I make a mistake I’d much prefer it if you could pull me aside for a private chat so that I can address it myself with the client or ultimately it will have a knock-on effect on my confidence, as well as how competent I look to others.”
Be prepared for backlash
Whichever way you pitch it, there are inherent risks in standing up to your boss—particularly if they aren’t accustomed to receiving feedback.
One of Taylor’s young clients in the law industry finally had the courage to tell her manager she’d rather he didn’t shout at her. After reciting what she had practiced she was going to say, he looked directly at her and told her to “f*ck off.”
“I felt awful about everything,” Taylor says. “But she actually felt better having said her piece—and good for her because nobody else around did say their piece to this man.”
So before speaking up, first consider what your end goal is.
If it’s simply to say your piece, that’s fine but be aware that it may not result in any behavior changes and could further damage the relationship with your manager.
“If you’re simply looking to vent or point out personality flaws, you’ll likely want to bite your tongue and instead speak with a friend or mentor,” Elliott advises.
If there is a specific outcome you think can be achieved from confronting your boss, then he suggests testing the waters “by starting with small, bite-sized pieces of feedback” and again, being ready to point to examples and solutions, without getting personal.
“Ultimately, you can’t predict how your boss will respond to you standing up to them. However, you can increase the chances of them improving by considering how you would want someone to treat you if you were in their shoes,” he adds.