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西方有句古語稱：通往地獄的路鋪滿了好意。意思是說我們經(jīng)常會在不知不覺間做出傷害別人的事。這種情況對于任何人都在所難免，但只要你多加留心，還是有辦法避過這些“雷區(qū)”的。比如要想在社交場合與人建立起牢固的友誼，就一定要小心以下的這幾個“坑”。

1、談話過程中看手機

德勤公司最近的一項研究揭示，全體美國人平均每天要查看80億次手機，也就是說，你每天平均會查看你的手機46次。然而在有些場合下，你的手機還是靜靜地待在你的口袋里比較好——尤其是當你與其他人在一起的時候。不管這里的“其他人”是一名貴賓還是一名服務(wù)員，他們的本尊就在你對面，怎么都比一個看都看不見的人更值得你尊重。當然，如果是緊急事件就另當別論了。不過大多數(shù)時候，事情一般都沒緊急到那個地步。如果你真覺得這個電話非接不可，那就請到走廊或休息室去接。記?。寒斈阍撜f話的時候，不要發(fā)短信。

2、打斷別人，以及從不詢問其他人的情況

如果你想給對方留下一個好印象，你很可能會難以抑制地想多談?wù)勛约旱氖聝?，不過你最好忍住這種沖動。一段對話不能只是你一個人在喋喋不休。如果你覺得你的某些話已經(jīng)影響了談話的氣氛，就要暫退一步，問問自己為什么會發(fā)生這種情況。你要專心致志地聽別人在說什么，讓他們也有機會講話。男同志們尤其要管好自己的舌頭?！罢Z言日志”博客曾經(jīng)指出，男人打斷別人說話的機率是女人的三倍。你只要有一點自制力，很快大家都會稱贊你是個會說話的人。

3、不看別人的眼睛

與別人見面或說話時，保持眼神接觸是很重要的，它表明你愿意與對方交流，并且對對方的話感興趣。當然，什么東西都是過猶不及?！睹咳湛茖W》上發(fā)表的一篇研究表明，眼神接觸可能會使人對對方的勸說產(chǎn)生抗拒。而且我們大概都有過這樣的經(jīng)歷：如果一個人的眼睛直勾勾地盯著你太久，你就會感到緊張。由于過長的、持續(xù)的眼神接觸會使對方不適，所以你要把握好尺度。既要用眼神表明你的興趣，但又不要顯得自己對對方過于有興趣，像個連環(huán)殺手一樣。

4、短信以句號結(jié)尾

這一條聽起來是不是有點奇怪？不知道你是否聽說過“數(shù)字禮儀”一說，一個小小的句號也是有大學問的，它甚至有可能改變整條短信的氛圍。能寫出語法工整的句子固然不錯，但是如果短信以句號結(jié)尾，就會顯得你與對方很冷淡。比如“我很好。”“知道了謝謝。”賓漢姆頓大學的西莉亞·克林領(lǐng)導的一支研究團隊發(fā)現(xiàn)，如果一個人發(fā)來的短信是以句號結(jié)尾的，被試者就會覺得它不如沒有標點符號的短信那么真誠。所以你對這一點也要注意。

5、用錯肢體語言

《科學》雜志的一篇報導表明，肢體語言比面部表情更能說明一個人的情緒。下次你可以留心一下，看看你的肢體語言都告訴了對方什么：你與對方是否只保持了一臂的距離？你是抱著胳膊還是背著手？你是不是與對方的身體接觸太多了，導致對方感覺不舒服？就像開車時要不時查看后視鏡一樣，你也要不時查看一下自己和別人的肢體語言。

6、忘了對方的名字

戴爾·卡耐基在他的經(jīng)典著作《如何贏得朋友和影響他人》一書中寫道：“在任何一個人聽來，他的名字都是世界上最好聽的聲音?！边@話說得不能再對了。想不起來別人的名字，未必會令對方立時翻臉不認人，但這至少說明你對對方缺乏興趣。要想和一個人建立友誼，一個非常快的方法就是花點時間了解一下他是誰，他的名字怎么寫、怎么念。這樣一來就會迅速使你們建立起友誼和親切感，因為它說明了你至少花了些時間在心里想著他們。

7、對餐廳服務(wù)員態(tài)度惡劣

如果你從來沒聽過“服務(wù)員法則”，現(xiàn)在就來學習學習吧。普利策獎得主、專欄作家戴夫·巴里曾這樣解讀過威廉·H·斯旺森的“33條約定俗成的管理法則”：“如果某人對你態(tài)度很好，但對服務(wù)員很粗魯，那他就不是一個好人。”記住，即使某個人沒有與你說話，你對他的態(tài)度，也和你與正在說話的那個人的態(tài)度一樣重要。

8、給別人看照片，但照片里除了你沒有別人

還是算了吧。除非你的狗超級萌，否則沒人在乎。（財富中文網(wǎng)）

譯者：樸成奎

There’s a reason they say the road to Hell is paved with good intentions. Through sheer unawareness, we can put others off. It can happen to anyone, but it doesn’t have to happen to you. Follow these tips, and your good intentions will pave a road over any social pitfall and give your new relationships better ground to stand on.

1. Checking your phone mid-conversation

A recent study from Deloitte revealed that Americans collectively check their phones eight billion times a day. That means, on average, you look at your phone 46 times per day. And there’s a good chance that at least a few of those times, you should’ve kept it in your pocket—especially when you’re with others. Whether they’re a VIP or your waiter, the person in front of you deserves your attention much more than someone you can’t see. There will always be an exception for emergencies, of course, but chances are that the alert you just got can wait. If you really think it needs your attention, step away to the hallway or a restroom. Remember: don’t text when you should be talking.

2. Interrupting and never asking about other people

When you’re trying to impress, the impulse to talk about yourself can be tempting, but try to resist. You don’t want to dominate the conversation. And if you find that your words have cast a cloud over the discussion, take a step back and ask yourself why that might be. Pay attention, react to what others are saying, and let them have their chance to speak. Men, especially, listen up. A recent study posted at Language Log showed that men are almost three times as likely to interrupt as women. With just a little self-control, soon everyone will be talking about what a great conversationalist you are.

3. You’re not looking people in the eye.

It’s important to maintain eye contact when meeting someone and addressing them. It shows you want to be engaged and are interested in what they have to say. And yet, there can be too much of a good thing. A Science Daily study revealed that eye contact may make people resistant to persuasion and we’ve all experienced the nervousness that comes from another person holding eye contact for just a moment too long. Extended, continuous eye contact can make others nervous, so mix it up. Show just enough to demonstrate your interest, but back off regularly to avoid looking like a serial killer.

4. Ending texts with periods

Weird, right? Well, there is such a thing as digital etiquette, and a little of it goes a long way. In the same way that WRITING LIKE THIS MAKES IT SOUND LIKE I’M YELLING AT YOU, a period can change the entire vibe of what you’re saying. Keeping your sentences grammatically correct is always good, but ending a short text with a period implies you’re being short with the person. Some examples are “I’m fine.” or “got it thank you.” Researchers lead by Binghamton University’s Celia Klin found that when that when a reply is followed by a period, subjects found the response to be less sincere than when no punctuation was used. Just be aware.

5. Be wary of body language

A report at Science Mag revealed that body language, not facial expression, reveals more of how someone is feeling. Take stock of what your body tells others: are you staying at arm’s length? Are your arms crossed and pulled away, or, on the opposite side of the spectrum, are you using too much touching, making the person uncomfortable? Like checking your rear view mirror every now and then whilst driving, consider how you’re holding yourself, and how others hold themselves around you.

6. Forgetting name

“A person’s name is to him or her the sweetest and most important sound in any language,” writes Dale Carnegie in his classic book “How to Win Friends and Influence People“, and those words couldn’t be truer. Not remembering someone’s name may not be a deal breaker, but it shows a lack of interest in that person. Taking the time to know who they are, and even how to spell and pronounce it correctly, is a very quick way to get someone on your side and keep them there. It builds familiarity and camaraderie because it’s an easy way to demonstrate that you took the time to think about them.

7. You’re a jerk to restaurant servers

If you’ve never heard of the “Waiter Rule,” it’s time you learned it. As Pulitzer Prize winning columnist Dave Barry paraphrased William H Swanson’s “33 Unwritten Rules of Management”: “If someone is nice to you but rude to the waiter, they are not a nice person.” Remember that how you treat the person you’re not addressing is as important as who you are addressing.

8. Showing photos that don’t include others

Come on. Unless that dog is super cute, no one cares