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你的老板最喜歡用的詞是“我”和“我自己”，從不真正理解什么叫“團(tuán)隊(duì)之中無(wú)個(gè)人”，原因是他們眼里從來(lái)都只有自己。

很不幸，這個(gè)世界充滿了自戀型老板，自我吹噓和對(duì)批評(píng)的免疫力幫助他們攀上了領(lǐng)導(dǎo)崗位（當(dāng)然了，也有不少人的職業(yè)前途犧牲在過(guò)于自負(fù)上。）

為自戀者工作會(huì)讓人精疲力盡、士氣低落，而且不利于健康和職業(yè)發(fā)展。但專家們指出，如果更新簡(jiǎn)歷迅速找新工作不現(xiàn)實(shí)，可以暫時(shí)采用一些策略對(duì)付自戀型老板。

了解具體情況。

紐約州立大學(xué)賓漢姆頓分校組織研究和領(lǐng)導(dǎo)學(xué)助理教授塞斯·斯派恩說(shuō)：“有一點(diǎn)人們沒(méi)太在意，那就是自戀分兩種，浮夸型和脆弱型?！逼渲?，浮夸型自戀者的危害較小。斯派恩指出：“他們可以承受批評(píng)，因?yàn)樾睦锔静幌嘈??！绷硪环矫?，脆弱型自戀者容易妄想，任何他們眼中的冒犯舉動(dòng)都會(huì)睚眥必報(bào)，無(wú)論冒犯多么溫和或無(wú)意。斯派恩說(shuō)：“他們的自我膨脹是由于不自信而采取的心理防御。”所以他們會(huì)不惜一切代價(jià)守住膨脹的自大感。

采取回避策略。

斯派恩認(rèn)為，如果你的老板是脆弱型自戀者，最佳方案就是敬而遠(yuǎn)之。他說(shuō)：“如果不得不給這個(gè)人干活，千萬(wàn)不能流露出批評(píng)的意思。盡可能減少面對(duì)面接觸……你跟他們接觸越多，就越有可能在意中冒犯對(duì)方?！?

當(dāng)好職場(chǎng)盟友。

如果自戀者認(rèn)為你和他們是一邊的，事情順利的可能性會(huì)大一點(diǎn)。佐治亞大學(xué)心理系主任W·基思·坎貝爾教授說(shuō)：“你得讓老板認(rèn)為你很有幫助，可以提升他們?cè)诠局械牡匚弧！庇幸稽c(diǎn)對(duì)你很有用，就是讓他們認(rèn)為你能幫他們撐面子，尤其有別人在的時(shí)候。坎貝爾說(shuō)：“多奉承，別去搶他們的風(fēng)頭?！?

了解他們的弱點(diǎn)。

肯尼索州立大學(xué)管理學(xué)助理教授李·麥肯扎克最近在學(xué)術(shù)期刊《Personality and Individual Differences》上發(fā)表研究報(bào)告稱：“自戀者特別容易犯過(guò)度自信的錯(cuò)誤。”

美國(guó)心理學(xué)協(xié)會(huì)最近發(fā)表的文章指出：“如果自戀型老板氣勢(shì)凌人、自認(rèn)為老資格而又總是渴望贊美，可能更容易做出有風(fēng)險(xiǎn)的決定?！比绻阕砸詾槭堑睦习宀贿^(guò)腦地夸?？冢Y(jié)果可能惹麻煩，你最好提前應(yīng)對(duì)免得受牽連。

管住他們不現(xiàn)實(shí)的預(yù)期

如果自戀者的自我受到威脅，會(huì)傾向于忽略事實(shí)。斯派恩警告說(shuō)：“你確實(shí)得想辦法消除自戀者相信的錯(cuò)誤信息。他們總會(huì)以功臣自居或者大談特談別人沒(méi)法接的事。”這有可能讓你很不利，具體影響視職責(zé)而定。斯派恩說(shuō)：“如果老板提出一些完全不合理的預(yù)期，你必須得想辦法摁住。”

用事實(shí)來(lái)反擊。

如果你的老板用整個(gè)部門(mén)都能聽(tīng)見(jiàn)的音量沖你大喊大叫，你可能會(huì)有向他們大吼“自大狂”的沖動(dòng)（這樣做也許會(huì)讓你心里舒服點(diǎn)）。但斯派恩指出，對(duì)付無(wú)禮老板更有效方法是談具體細(xì)節(jié)。他說(shuō)：“緊緊圍繞錯(cuò)誤行為，只談當(dāng)前情況[并]盡量把批評(píng)變得具體?！蹦阋⌒拇朕o，別傷到他們無(wú)處不在的自我。比如你可以說(shuō)，雖然他們大喊大叫讓你很難過(guò)，但你更擔(dān)心的是這種行為可能損害他們光輝的領(lǐng)導(dǎo)形象（他們的形象是不是真的很好并不重要）。斯派恩說(shuō)：“如果你能把批評(píng)變成恭維，效果就會(huì)很好。”

相辦法減壓。

這很重要。為自戀型老板工作是出了名的累，你得經(jīng)營(yíng)好人際關(guān)系網(wǎng)，以防哪天他們自大爆棚突然炒了你?？藏悹栒f(shuō)：“在公司內(nèi)外建立一個(gè)廣泛而且能充分支持你的社交圈，哪天老板讓走人或者因?yàn)槭懿涣硕o職也能找到去處。”

意識(shí)到總體上都是他們的問(wèn)題

斯派恩說(shuō)：“自戀的一部分是支配欲。打壓別人讓他們覺(jué)得自己高大?！睋Q句話說(shuō)，他們?cè)跁?huì)議上貶低你，或者發(fā)給你言辭尖刻的電子郵件并不是反饋，更多的是為了感知自我。斯派恩指出：“要清楚當(dāng)前的問(wèn)題實(shí)際上跟你毫無(wú)關(guān)系，可以保護(hù)你的自尊?！保ㄘ?cái)富中文網(wǎng)）

譯者：Charlie

Your boss’s three favorite words are “me,” “myself” and “I,” and they’ve never really gotten that “There’s no I in team” thing, because it’s all about them, all the time.

The world is unfortunately full of narcissistic bosses whose self-aggrandizing and resistance to criticism has propelled them to leadership positions. (Of course, there are just as many, if not more, whose career ambitions are sacrificed on the altar of their ego.)

Working for a narcissist can be draining, demoralizing and destructive to your well-being and career, but if updating your resume and finding a new job is impossible, experts say there are some tactics for managing a narcissistic manager until you can leave.

Know what you’re dealing with.

“One thing that’s under-appreciated is that there are generally two types of narcissist, the grandiose narcissist and the vulnerable narcissist,” says Seth Spain, assistant professor of organizational studies and leadership at Binghamton University. Of the two, the grandiose narcissist is the more benign one. “They take criticism alright because they don’t believe it,” Spain says. On the other hand, the vulnerable narcissist is prone to paranoia and acutely defensive against anything they perceive as a slight, no matter how mild or unintentional. “Their ego inflation is a defense against not really believing in themselves,” Spain says, so they’ll defend that over-inflated sense of self at all costs.

Practice avoidance.

If your boss is a vulnerable narcissist, your best bet is to keep a wide berth, Spain says. “You want to avoid even the appearance of criticism if you’re stuck working for this person,” he says. “You want to have as little face-to-face contact as you can possibly manage… The more you interact with them, the more likely it is you’re going to unintentionally slight them in some way,” he says.

Be a good professional ally.

Things are more likely to go smoothly if the narcissist sees you as someone who’s on their side. “You want your boss to see you as an asset to further his or her status in the organization,” says W. Keith Campbell, professor and head of the Department of Psychology at the University of Georgia. It’s useful for you if they see you as useful for propping up their ego, particularly in front of others. “Use flattery and try not to outshine him or her,” he says.

Know their weak spots.

See what trips them up and anticipate where their behavior might cause problems for them. “Narcissists are especially prone to errors of overconfidence,” Lee Macenczak, assistant professor of management at Kennesaw State University, wrote in a recent study in Personality and Individual Differences.

“A narcissistic boss who radiates feelings of superiority, entitlement and a constant desire for admiration may also be more likely to make risky decisions,” a recent Association for Psychological Science article points out. If your big-headed boss makes big promises that could swamp them, you can better position yourself to avoid the fallout.

Manage their unrealistic expectations.

If the narcissist’s ego is at stake, even facts can go on the back burner. “You do sort of have to actively fight misinformation on the part of the narcissist,” Spain warns. “They’re always going to be taking credit or making grand claims people can’t back up,” and depending on your role in the organization, this can put you in a bad spot. “If the boss is trying to set expectations that are completely unreasonable, you have to try and push back against that,” he says.

Use specifics to fight back.

If your boss screams at you within earshot of the entire department, it might be tempting (and satisfying) to call them out as a the egomaniac they are, but Spain says a more successful way of trying to thwart such behavior is to focus on concrete details. “Make it about the problematic behavior, try to focus on the current situation [and] keep your criticism as specific as possible,” he says. You also could frame it as an appeal to their all-encompassing ego, saying that while you were hurt by their outburst, for instance, you’re also concerned that this behavior could damage their reputation as a great leader. (Whether or not they actually have such a reputation is unimportant here.) “If you can couch a criticism in a flattery it can work well,” Spain says.

Have an outlet to vent.

This is important; narcissistic bosses are notoriously exhausting to work for, and you might need that network if they fire you in an egomaniacal fit. “Build a broad and supportive social network within and outside the organization in case you are let go by the boss, or want to leave because you just can’t take it anymore,” Campbell says.

Realize that it is about them, in a way.

“Narcissism is partially about dominance. They make themselves feel big by making other people feel small,” Spain says. In other words, belittling you at a meeting or sending a scathing email is more about feeding their ego than providing feedback. “Knowing it really has nothing to do with you can help your self-esteem,” he says.