當心這13種行為，你可能因此招人厭
Business Insider
2017-10-05
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你是不是有過這種經(jīng)歷，剛認識某個朋友的時候覺得這人很討厭，后來卻發(fā)現(xiàn)他/她其實很友善？其實大家都遇到過。 通常來說，讓別人喜歡上自己希望繼續(xù)相處只有幾秒鐘的機會。各種細節(jié)都很重要，從姓什么到身上散發(fā)的汗味（其實挺惡心）都有關(guān)系。 Business Insider總結(jié)多項科學發(fā)現(xiàn)，歸納出網(wǎng)上和現(xiàn)實生活中容易招人厭的行為特征。 1、在社交媒體Facebook上分享太多照片 如果你是曬照狂人，一天里能從個人蜜月照、外甥畢業(yè)照曬到自家小狗穿著萬圣節(jié)服裝搞怪，最好改掉這種習慣。 2013年的一項研究發(fā)現(xiàn)，在Facebook上曬照片太多會影響現(xiàn)實生活中的人際關(guān)系。 “原因是，除了關(guān)系特別好的密友和親人，其他人對沒完沒了分享個人照片沒什么好感?！痹撗芯恐饕髡哂骱泊髮W講師大衛(wèi)·霍頓在公開發(fā)布的報告中如是說。 而且，如果你分享太多個人家庭的照片朋友會不喜歡，如果分享太多朋友的照片親戚又會不開心。 參與上述研究的愛丁堡大學講師本·馬爾德警告：“分享照片的時候要謹慎，想想別人看到的時候會怎么看你。分享是改善人際關(guān)系的好方法，但也能影響關(guān)系?！?/p> 2、Facebook的朋友圈人數(shù)太多或者太少 在2008年的一項研究中，密歇根州立大學的研究人員請大學生看一些虛構(gòu)的Facebook個人頁面，記錄下他們對虛構(gòu)人物的好感程度。 研究結(jié)果顯示，最受歡迎的人好友人數(shù)大約300名。只有約100位好友或者超過300人好感度最低。 為什么有300多位好友的人可能不招人喜歡，研究報告的作者認為：“在Facebook上朋友那么多像是整天泡在網(wǎng)上拼命交友，顯得比較絕望而不是受歡迎?！?/p> 另一方面，參與評估的大學生每人都有300名左右的Facebook好友。所以研究者承認，如果調(diào)查人群在Facebook網(wǎng)站大多擁有1000名好友，那么他們最可能對好友同樣1000名的人產(chǎn)生好感。 但也別忘了，2014年的一項調(diào)查發(fā)現(xiàn)，F(xiàn)acebook成人用戶的平均好友人數(shù)是338人。 有趣的是，該研究還指出，受訪者并非有意不喜歡Facebook好友過多或者過少的人，而是下意識的選擇。 3、認識不久就透露過于私人的信息 一般情況下，人們交流心事后可以加深好感。對成年人來說，坦露心聲是交友的好方法。 可心理學家認為，如果你向某人透露過于私密的信息，比如說你的姐妹有了婚外情，當然還是能加深了解，但會顯得你沒有安全感，獲得好感的可能性降低。 關(guān)鍵是把握好透露私人信息的度。2013年美國伊利諾伊州立大學教授蘇珊·斯普雷徹領(lǐng)銜的一項研究認為，假如單純分享個人愛好和最愛的童年回憶，可以讓你顯得更和藹可親。 4、交流中絕口不提自己，一個勁打聽別人的事 上述2013年的研究還有一個的重要發(fā)現(xiàn)：主動披露個人信息確實能拉近彼此的距離，但必須是相互的。當別人向你透露隱私的時候，如果你沒有分享一些私密的事作為回應(yīng)，對方對你的好感往往就會減少。 當時研究人員安排了一些不相識的受訪者相互袒露心聲，在12分鐘時間內(nèi)，受訪者要么跟搭檔交替分享心事，要么一個人說完另一個人再說。結(jié)果顯示，交替分享心聲的受訪者彼此好感度會增加很多。 正像該研究作者所寫的：“有些害羞或者害怕社交的人可能會選擇向別人發(fā)問來轉(zhuǎn)移對方的注意力。但我們的研究顯示，這對建立親密關(guān)系沒什么幫助?；訒r雙方都要坦露心聲，才能拉近關(guān)系產(chǎn)生好感?！?/p> 5、分享個人特寫照 如果你在職業(yè)社交網(wǎng)站LinkedIn的個人頁面上放了面部特寫，最好趕快換掉。 加州理工學院的一項研究發(fā)現(xiàn)，和面部距離鏡頭135厘米、約合4.5英尺的肖像照相比，面部距離鏡頭只有45厘米、約合1.5英尺的照片讓人覺得你不夠可靠，同時會拉低個人魅力，讓人對你的能力產(chǎn)生疑問。 6、隱藏個人情緒 研究發(fā)現(xiàn)，展現(xiàn)真實情感比壓抑情感更能贏得別人的好感。 在2016年的一項研究中，俄勒岡大學的研究人員錄下了觀眾看兩部電影片段的反應(yīng)：一部是喜劇片《當哈利遇上莎莉》里女主角裝高潮，另一段是《舐犢情深》里的悲傷情節(jié)。有時，導(dǎo)演要求演員給出自然的反應(yīng)，有時又要求演員克制自己的情緒。 隨后研究人員讓大學生看了四個版本的錄像內(nèi)容，判斷他們對錄像中的人好感程度如何，以及他們認為錄像中人物的性格怎樣。 結(jié)果顯示，大學生更喜歡自然表露情緒的人，對壓抑情緒、不夠外向隨和的人沒什么好感。 研究人員寫道：“人們選擇建立親密關(guān)系時并非一視同仁，他們很可能更喜歡愿意回應(yīng)自己投入的人。所以，當察覺有人掩飾自己的情感時，他們可能認為這些人不關(guān)心以情感表達為基礎(chǔ)的社交行為，比如建立親密關(guān)系、獲得群體支持和加強人際合作等?！?/p> 7、表現(xiàn)得像老好人 按理說，如果你看起來越和善、越無私，別人應(yīng)該越喜歡你。但一些科學研究顯示并非如此。 在2010年的一項研究中，美國華盛頓州立大學和非營利機構(gòu)沙漠研究所的工作人員讓一些大學生玩電腦游戲，一同打游戲的四位玩家其實是由研究者控制。 作者之一在《哈佛商業(yè)評論》的文章中解釋了研究過程： “參與者每五人分為一組，誰都看不到其他組內(nèi)成員。每人都得到一些積分，他們可以選擇全部或部分持有，也可以全部或部分返還。游戲鼓勵他們持有盡可能多的積分，但不是明顯鼓勵?！?/p> “我們告訴參與者，學期結(jié)束會隨機抽選一些人，選中的人可以把持有的積分兌換成學校餐廳的優(yōu)惠券?！?/p> 一些虛擬的參與者會放棄很多積分，只換取少數(shù)優(yōu)惠券，這看起來是很無私的舉動。但結(jié)果顯示，參與者大多表示不想再和無私的隊友合作。 該研究此后進行的實驗也得到了同樣的結(jié)果。參與者表示，隊友太無私顯得自己像壞人，還有些參與者懷疑無私隊友真正的動機。 8、謙虛的自夸 為了給朋友和潛在雇主留下好印象，一些人表面上自我批評實際上卻在自夸。哈佛商學院最近的一項研究顯示，所謂“謙虛的自夸”可能招人厭。 研究中，工作人員請一些大學生寫下面試中怎么介紹個人最大缺點。結(jié)果顯示，超過四分之三的大學生都會謙虛地自夸，說自己最大的缺點是工作太賣力或者追求完美主義之類。 而獨立的研究助理表示，如實回答的學生更有可能應(yīng)聘成功，因為更容易贏得招聘人員的好感。誠實的回答類似于“有時我沒那么有條理”或者“有時我會反應(yīng)過激?！?/p> 除了誠實回答還有另一種選擇，談?wù)労蛻?yīng)聘崗位沒有直接關(guān)系的弱點。比如應(yīng)征一個寫作相關(guān)的職位時，求職者可以說害怕在公眾場合發(fā)言。 9、太緊張 永遠不要讓別人看到你流汗，或者聞到你的汗味。研究顯示，緊張流汗的氣味可能無形中影響別人對你性格的評價。 2013年，美國費城非營利科研機構(gòu)莫奈爾化學感官中心曾讓參與研究者觀看一些女性日常生活的視頻，比如在辦公室工作和照看孩子等。看視頻期間，他們聞到了三種汗味：鍛煉出汗、緊張出汗以及止汗劑掩蓋下緊張場合出的汗。 然后，研究人員請參與者評價各位女性的能力、信心和可信度。 結(jié)果顯示，受試者對因為緊張而出汗的女性評價偏低。而如果女性緊張出汗被止汗劑掩蓋，受試者給予的評價比較好。 10、不愛笑 要是在社交活動上碰到很多陌生人，臉上時刻保持笑容確實困難。但不管怎樣，盡量多笑一笑。 美國懷俄明大學的一項研究里，100名左右女性本科生看一組其他女性的照片。照片上的女性擺出四種姿勢：肢體做出開放性的姿勢，并且面帶微笑；做出拒絕性的姿勢，面帶微笑；做出開放性的姿勢，但臉上沒有笑容；做出拒絕性的姿勢，沒有笑容。結(jié)果顯示，無論照片上的女性肢體姿勢怎樣，只要面帶微笑，大學生的好感都很高。 最近美國斯坦福大學和杜伊斯堡埃森大學的研究人員發(fā)現(xiàn)，當學生們彼此通過虛擬頭像交流時，開懷歡笑的頭像讓他人感覺更好。 還有一項研究發(fā)現(xiàn)，和別人初次見面時，如果你露出笑臉，以后對方更容易記起你。 11、表現(xiàn)出不喜歡某人 通常我們感覺別人喜歡自己，也就會喜歡對方。心理學上把這種現(xiàn)象稱為“好感反應(yīng)的互饋”。 舉個例子，1959年《人類關(guān)系》上刊登曾刊登一項研究。研究中參與者得知，參與小組討論的某些成員可能喜歡自己。（成員都是實驗者隨機抽選的。）討論結(jié)束后，參與者表示最喜歡的人正是他們以為喜歡自己的人。 最近加拿大滑鐵盧大學和曼尼托巴大學的研究者發(fā)現(xiàn)，當我們期望別人接納自己的時候，就會對對方更客氣，由此對方真正喜歡上自己的幾率真的提升了。所以如果你不確定正在交往的人對自己感覺怎樣，請表現(xiàn)得喜歡對方，沒準對方真會對你產(chǎn)生好感。 另一方面，如果你表現(xiàn)出對別人沒什么好感，可能就失去了深入交流的機會。 12、名字難讀 必須承認，這點真是不公平。 但科學研究顯示這是真的。澳大利亞墨爾本大學、比利時魯汶大學和美國紐約大學2012年的一項研究發(fā)現(xiàn)，名字越難讀，外人對此人的評價就越負面。 該研究做了一項實驗，請一些大學生讀一篇虛構(gòu)的報紙報道，內(nèi)容是有人要競選地方議員。部分大學生看到的報道之中，競選者的名字相對容易讀（比如拉扎里迪斯或者帕拉多斯卡），另一些大學生看到的競選者名字相對難讀（比如佛基歐卡基斯和萊什琴斯卡）。 事實證明，受試大學生覺得名字更易讀的人更適合其競選的政府職位，名字難讀的人則沒那么適合。 13、借別人的名號抬高自己 有時為了讓談話對象印象深刻，你可能會忍不住提起，某位著名的作家和你畢業(yè)于同一所大學。但結(jié)果可能適得其反。 瑞士蘇黎世大學的研究結(jié)果即是如此。他們2009年發(fā)布的一份報告認為，如果喜歡跟名人攀關(guān)系，別人對你的好感會下降，而且會認為你的能力不怎么樣。 研究期間，蘇黎世大學的學生通過電郵跟一些“搭檔”交流。（實際上電郵都是研究人員發(fā)的。） 在某一組電郵里，有些電郵搭檔會提到跟瑞士著名男子網(wǎng)球選手羅杰·費德勒是朋友，以前共事過。另一些電郵中，搭檔只是說費德里是自己的朋友。在另一組電郵中，搭檔自稱是費德勒的粉絲，其他電郵中，搭檔根本不提費德勒。 結(jié)果顯示，搭檔與費德勒的關(guān)系看起來越密切，受試大學生對搭檔的好感度就越低。研究人員還發(fā)現(xiàn)，原因主要是學生們感覺搭檔操縱欲比較強。（財富中文網(wǎng)） 本文首發(fā)于美國財經(jīng)科技新聞網(wǎng)站BusinessInsider.com 譯者：Pessy 審稿：夏林 |
Everyone's got a story about how they thought a certain friend was mean the first time they met, but realized later that he or she is actually the nicest person ever. Generally, you've only got a few seconds to make someone want to spend more time with you. Everything matters — from your last name to the smell of your sweat (gross, we know). Below, Business Insider rounded up various scientific findings on the traits and behaviors that make people dislike you, both online and in person. 1. Sharing too many photos on Facebook If you're the kind of person who shares snapshots of your honeymoon, cousin's graduation, and dog dressed in a Halloween costume all in the same day, you might want to stop. A 2013 study found that posting too many photos on Facebook can hurt your real-life relationships. "This is because people, other than very close friends and relatives, don't seem to relate well to those who constantly share photos of themselves," lead study author David Houghton, of Birmingham Business School, said in a release. Specifically, friends don't like it when you've got too many photos of family, and relatives don't like it when you've got too many photos of friends. Ben Marder, of the University of Edinburgh, also worked on the study, and warned: "Be cautious when sharing and think how it will be perceived by all the others who may see it. Although sharing is a great way to better relationships, it can also damage them." 2. Having too many, or too few, Facebook friends In a 2008 study, Michigan State University researchers asked college students to look at fictional Facebook profiles and decide how much they liked the profiles' owners. Results showed that the "sweet spot" for likability was about 300 friends. Likability ratings were lowest when a profile owner had only about 100 friends, and almost as low when they had more than 300 friends. As for why 300-plus friends could be a turn-off, the study authors write, "Individuals with too many friends may appear to be focusing too much on Facebook, friending out of desperation rather than popularity." On the other hand, the college students doing the evaluation each had about 300 Facebook friends themselves. So the researchers acknowledge that in a population where the most common number of Facebook friends is 1,000, the sweet spot for likability could be 1,000. Keep in mind, though, that a 2014 survey found that the average number of Facebook friends among adult users was 338. Interestingly, the study also suggested that participants weren't consciously aware that they liked people less when they had too many or too few Facebook friends. 3. Disclosing something extremely personal early on in a relationship In general, people like each other more after they've traded confidences. Self-disclosure is one of the best ways to make friends as an adult. But psychologists say that disclosing something too intimate — say, that your sister is having an extramarital affair — while you're still getting to know someone can make you seem insecure and decrease your likability. The key is to get just the right amount of personal. As a 2013 study led by Susan Sprecher at Illinois State University suggests, simply sharing details about your hobbies and your favorite childhood memories can make you seem warmer and more likable. 4. Asking someone questions without talking about yourself at all That same 2013 study by found an important caveat to the idea that self-disclosure predicts closeness: It has to be mutual. People generally like you less if you don't reciprocate when they disclose something intimate. In the study, unacquainted participants either engaged in back-and-forth self-disclosure or took turns self-disclosing for 12 minutes each while the other listened. Results showed that participants in the back-and-forth group liked each other significantly more. As the authors write, "Although shy or socially anxious people may ask questions of the other to detract attention from themselves, our research shows that this is not a good strategy for relationship initiation. Both participants in an interaction need to disclose to generate mutual closeness and liking." 5. Posting a close-up profile photo If your LinkedIn profile features an image of your face practically smushed up against the camera, you'd be wise to change it. Research from California Institute of Technology suggests that faces photographed from just 45 centimeters — about 1.5 feet — away are considered less trustworthy, attractive, and competent than faces photographed from 135 centimeters, about 4.5 feet, away. 6. Hiding your emotions Research suggests that letting your real feelings come through is a better strategy for getting people to like you than bottling it all up. In one 2016 study, University of Oregon researchers videotaped people watching two movie scenes: the fake-orgasm part of the movie "When Harry Met Sally" and a sad scene from "The Champ." In some cases, the actors were instructed to react naturally; in another they were instructed to suppress their emotions. College students then watched the four versions of the videos. Researchers measured how much interest the students expressed in befriending the people in the videos, as well as their assessments of the personalities of the people in the videos. Results showed that suppressors were judged less likable — as well as less extroverted and agreeable — than people who emoted naturally. The researchers write: "People … do not pursue close relationships indiscriminately — they probably look for people who are likely to reciprocate their investments. So when perceivers detect that someone is hiding their emotions, they may interpret that as a disinterest in the things that emotional expression facilitates — closeness, social support, and interpersonal coordination." 7. Acting too nice It makes logical sense that the nicer and more altruistic you seem, the more people will like you. But some science suggests otherwise. In a 2010 study, researchers at Washington State University and the Desert Research Institute had college students play a computer game with four other players, who were really manipulations by the researchers. Here's how one of the study authors explained the study procedure in The Harvard Business Review: "Each participant was placed in a five-person group, but did not see its other members. Each was given endowments that they could in their turn choose to keep or return, in whole or in part. There was some incentive to maximize one’s holdings, but not an obvious one. "(The participants were told that, at the end of the semester, a random drawing of their names would be held and those few who were chosen would have their holdings converted to Dining Services coupons redeemable at campus eateries.)" Some of the fake participants would give up lots of points and only take a few vouchers — a rather altruistic behavior. As it turns out, most participants said they wouldn't want to work with their unselfish teammate again. In a similar, follow-up experiment in the same study, some said the unselfish teammate made them look bad; others suspected they had ulterior motives. 8. Humblebragging In an effort to impress friends and potential employers, some people disguise bragging as self-criticism. This behavior, otherwise known as "humblebragging," could be a turn-off, according to a recent study from Harvard Business School. In the study, college students were asked to write down how they'd answer a question about their biggest weakness in a job interview. Results showed that more than three-quarters of participants humblebragged, usually about being a perfectionist or working too hard. Yet independent research assistants said they'd be more likely to hire the participants who were honest, and found them significantly more likable. Those students said things like, "I'm not always the best at staying organized" and "Sometimes I overreact to situations." Another alternative in a job-interview situation is to talk about weaknesses that don't directly relate to the position — for example, a fear of public speaking if you're applying for a writing position. 9. Getting too nervous Never let 'em see — or smell — you sweat. Research suggests that the odor of your nervous sweat may subconsciously influence people's judgments of your personality. In 2013, researchers at the Monell Chemical Senses Center had participants watch videos of women in everyday situations, like working in an office and taking care of a child. While watching the videos, they sniffed three kinds of sweat: sweat that someone had produced while exercising, sweat produced during a stressful situation, and sweat produced during a stressful situation that had been covered up with antiperspirant. Participants were then asked to rate the women on how competent, confident, and trustworthy they seemed. Results showed that participants rated the women lower on all measures when they smelled the stress-induced sweat. When they smelled the stress sweat that had been covered up with antiperspirant, they rated the women more positively. 10. Not smiling When you're at a networking event and meeting lots of new people, it can be hard to keep a smile plastered on your face. Try anyway. In a University of Wyoming study, nearly 100 undergraduate women looked at photos of another woman in one of four poses: smiling in an open body position, smiling in a closed body position, not smiling in an open body position, or not smiling in a closed body position. Results showed that the woman in the photo was liked most when she was smiling, regardless of her body position. More recently, researchers at Stanford University and the University of Duisburg-Essen found that students who interacted with each other through avatars felt more positively about the interaction when the avatar displayed a bigger smile. Bonus: Another study found that smiling when you first meet someone helps ensure that they'll remember you later. 11.Acting like you don't like someone Psychologists have known for a while about a phenomenon called "reciprocity of liking": When we think someone likes us, we tend to like them as well. In a 1959 study published In Human Relations, for example, participants were told that certain members of a group discussion would probably like them. (These group members were chosen randomly by the experimenter.) After the discussion, participants indicated that the people they liked best were the ones who supposedly liked them. More recently, researchers at the University of Waterloo and the University of Manitoba found that when we expect people to accept us, we act warmer toward them — thereby increasing the chances that they really will like us. So even if you're not sure how a person you're interacting with feels about you, act like you like them and they'll probably like you back. If, on the other hand, you don't express fondness for the person you're meeting, you could potentially turn them off. 12. Having a hard-to-pronounce name We know: This one's really not fair. But here's the science: A 2012 study, by researchers at the University of Melbourne, the University of Leuven, and New York University, found that people with more complicated last names are judged more negatively. In one experiment included in the study, undergraduate participants read a mock newspaper article about a man running for an upcoming local council election. Some participants read about a man with a relatively easy-to-pronounce last name (Lazaridis or Paradowska); others read about a man with a harder-to-pronounce name (Vougiouklakis and Leszczynska). As it turns out, participants who'd read about the man with the simpler name said that candidate was a better fit for the government position than participants who'd read about the man with the more complicated name. 13. Name-dropping It can be tempting to mention that famous author who graduated from your alma mater in order to impress your conversation partner. But the tactic can backfire. That's according to researchers at the University of Zurich. In 2009, they published a papersuggesting that name-dropping makes people seem both less likable and less competent. For the study, University of Zurich students interacted with "partners" via email (the emails had really been generated by the researchers). In some emails, the partner mentioned that Roger Federer was his friend and that they'd worked out together. In other emails, the partner only mentioned that Federer was a friend. In another set of emails, the partner mentioned that he or she was a fan of Federer. And in some emails, the partner didn't mention Federer at all. Results showed that the stronger the supposed association between the partner and Federer, the less participants liked their partner. The researchers found that was largely because participants felt their partners were manipulative. This article originally appeared on BusinessInsider.com |
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