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在美國聯(lián)邦調(diào)查局工作期間，羅賓·德里克放棄了“己所欲，施于人”的傳統(tǒng)“黃金法則”。

取而代之的是由作家兼演說家托尼·亞力山德拉提出的“白金法則”：“人之所欲，施之于人”?；趧e人的關(guān)切和他們交流，采用他們能真正理解的方式，這樣他們就更有可能拿出你想要的東西。

德里克畢業(yè)于海軍軍官學(xué)校，曾是海軍陸戰(zhàn)隊(duì)員，負(fù)責(zé)過聯(lián)邦政府的行為分析項(xiàng)目，目前是FBI探員。最近他和卡梅隆·斯陶斯共同撰寫了《信任密碼》（The Code of Trust）一書。

在書中，德里克和斯陶斯介紹了德里克建立的溝通風(fēng)格盤點(diǎn)體系，其目的是為了最有效地執(zhí)行上述白金法則。

這套體系把溝通風(fēng)格分為四類。使用者的任務(wù)是判斷和自己交流的人屬于哪一類，然后用相應(yīng)的知識來引導(dǎo)雙方的對話。這四種類型是：

1. 直接任務(wù)導(dǎo)向型

2. 直接人員導(dǎo)向型

3. 間接任務(wù)導(dǎo)向型

4. 間接人員導(dǎo)向型

8月份造訪Business Insider辦公室時，德里克說辨別對方是人員導(dǎo)向還是任務(wù)導(dǎo)向通常更有用。

如果某人的人員導(dǎo)向特征較為明顯，“他用的擬人、代詞、個人趣聞軼事就會多得多。如果你想和這樣的人好好交流一番或者打交道，那就使用這些方式吧。”

德里克說，另一方面，更側(cè)重任務(wù)導(dǎo)向的人“比較關(guān)注流程、程序以及做事方法，而不是和誰一起去做?！?

第二步是判斷對方是直接溝通者還是間接溝通者。

這本書介紹說，直接溝通者在說話的同時思考。德里克和斯陶斯寫道：“直接溝通者喜歡你一言我一語的交流，對別人的觀點(diǎn)往往持開放態(tài)度，如果有人改變了他們對某事的看法，他們就會覺得自己真的從中受益了?！?

間接溝通者一般會在說話前思考。德里克和斯陶斯寫道：“他們深信字斟句酌是對對方的尊重，而且不會在無謂的、兜了一圈往往又回到原點(diǎn)的對話中浪費(fèi)對方的時間。”

他們緊接著指出，人們的溝通風(fēng)格會發(fā)生改變——實(shí)際上，只使用一種風(fēng)格會削弱自己獲得廣泛信任的能力。

比如說，你認(rèn)為自己的上司是一位任務(wù)導(dǎo)向型直接溝通者。那么向他們簡要匯報(bào)你完成項(xiàng)目的步驟或許是明智的做法。同時，他們跟你爭論某個具體步驟是否為最佳選擇時，請不要感到受到了冒犯。

如果上司是人員導(dǎo)向型間接溝通者，你可能得讓他們坐下來，然后解釋自己為什么對某個項(xiàng)目充滿熱情，然后仔細(xì)地聽他們回應(yīng)的每一個詞。

這樣做的思路并不是要把人們區(qū)分開來，而是要牢記并非每個人都和你一樣。如果想鼓勵別人喜歡你、相信你，最好的辦法就是用他們最熟悉的語言和他們交流。（財(cái)富中文網(wǎng)）

原文最初刊登在 BusinessInsider.com網(wǎng)站。

譯者：Charlie?

At some point during his career with the FBI, Robin Dreeke abandoned the “golden rule” — the old adage that you should treat others as you would like to be treated.

He replaced it with another guideline, this one from author and speaker Tony Alessandra, called the “platinum rule“: Treat others as they want to be treated. Talk in terms of what’s important to them, in a way they can readily understand, and they’ll be more inclined to give you what you want.

Dreeke is a Naval Academy graduate, a former Marine, the former head of a federal behavioral analysis program, and a current FBI agent; he recently co-authored “The Code of Trust” with Cameron Stauth.

In the book, Dreeke and Stauth share the system Dreeke developed for implementing the platinum rule most effectively: The Communications Style Inventory.

The system boils down to four different communication styles. Your mission is to figure out which type of person you’re talking to, and to use that knowledge to guide the conversation. The four types are:

1. Direct, task-oriented

2. Direct, people-oriented

3. Indirect, task-oriented

4. Indirect, people-oriented

When he visited the Business Insider office in August, Dreeke said it’s generally more helpful to figure out whether someone is people- or task-oriented.

If someone’s more people-oriented, “they use a lot more personalization, a lot more use of pronouns, a lot more personal stories and anecdotes. If you want to have a great conversation with and engage someone like this, use those types of things.”

On the other hand, Dreeke said, someone who’s more task-oriented is “l(fā)ooking more at the process, procedures, and how to do something rather than who to do it with.”

The second step is to assess whether someone’s a direct or an indirect communicator.

Direct communicators, according to the book, think while they speak. Dreeke and Stauth write: “Direct speakers like the give-and-take of verbal exchange, tend to be open to the idea of others, and feel that they truly benefit if someone changes their mind about something.”

Indirect communicators generally think before they speak. Dreeke and Stauth write: “They sincerely believe that they are being respectful of you when they consider their words carefully, without wasting your time in the needless give-and-take that often ends exactly where it started.”

Dreeke and Stauth are quick to note that an individual’s communication style can change — and in fact, “sticking straight to one style will decrease your ability to inspire widespread trust.”

Let’s say you think your boss is a direct, task-oriented communicator. It might be wise to send them an outline of steps you’re taking to finish a project — and not to be insulted when they engage you in debate around whether that particular process is the best.

If your boss is an indirect, people-oriented communicator, you might want to sit them down and explain why you’re passionate about your current project — and to listen carefully to every word in their feedback.

The idea is less to pigeonhole people and more to remember that not everyone is exactly like you. If you want to encourage people to like you and to trust you, it’s best to speak their native language.

This article originally appeared on BusinessInsider.com