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最近有天下午，我坐在人滿(mǎn)為患的咖啡店里，一邊抱怨Wi-Fi，一邊因?yàn)闆](méi)完成工作自責(zé)，我感覺(jué)自己瀕臨崩潰。我坐直身子，把目光從電腦屏幕上移開(kāi)，然后想：“再也不能這么過(guò)了?！?/p>

我受夠了密密麻麻的任務(wù)清單；受夠了從緊張的夢(mèng)里醒來(lái)，感覺(jué)自己好像工作了一整夜；受夠了不吃早餐，趁會(huì)議間隙猛吃燕麥條，晚上拼命往家趕，就為了趕在我最喜歡的快餐店關(guān)門(mén)前買(mǎi)點(diǎn)吃的。應(yīng)我覺(jué)得該嘗試一些新東西了。

我匆匆忙忙給助理發(fā)了封電子郵件說(shuō)：“請(qǐng)取消今后兩周我在上午的所有日程。我想做個(gè)試驗(yàn)?！?/p>

對(duì)這個(gè)為期兩周的試驗(yàn)，我的唯一要求就是每天上午放松自己，充充電，休息一下。比如在我最喜歡的咖啡廳看《基督山伯爵》。

在這兩周里，我把工作時(shí)間限定在中午到晚上九點(diǎn)。

我很興奮，老師說(shuō)也有點(diǎn)害怕。此前我也只能勉強(qiáng)跟上工作進(jìn)度，縮短工作時(shí)間后情況會(huì)怎么樣？我的良師益友們會(huì)怎么想？畢竟，要成功就得一天忙到晚，對(duì)吧？

但我的想法是，每天上午有幾個(gè)小時(shí)的喘息時(shí)間來(lái)思考、遐想和放松或許會(huì)有出人意料的效果，反而會(huì)讓我效率更高。

實(shí)際情況是這樣：

第一天：我八點(diǎn)半左右醒了過(guò)來(lái)，躺在床上放松了一會(huì)兒。摸到自己的手機(jī)，為這段新增的閑暇時(shí)間設(shè)想了一系列活動(dòng)。然后我起床，穿上毛衣，戴上帽子，在附近散了很長(zhǎng)時(shí)間的步。等我洗完澡穿好衣服做個(gè)奶昔，就已經(jīng)中午了。

第二天：盡管我把鬧鐘定在七點(diǎn)，我還是睡到了十點(diǎn)。因?yàn)榭措娨曇恢笨吹搅璩咳c(diǎn)，我需要多睡一會(huì)兒。實(shí)際情況證明，在第二天上午不用工作的情況下，很難堅(jiān)持早睡。我做了早飯，看了幾頁(yè)《基督山伯爵》。然后我發(fā)現(xiàn)已經(jīng)十一點(diǎn)半了，所以趕緊沖了個(gè)熱水澡，迅速穿好衣服。午餐會(huì)十二點(diǎn)半開(kāi)始，我晚了幾分鐘。我覺(jué)得都要散架了，渾身懶洋洋的，隨后的幾個(gè)小時(shí)里一直怪自己睡太久。

第三天：我又睡過(guò)頭了。要不是手機(jī)響，我可能會(huì)繼續(xù)睡下去。我揉著眼睛，掙扎著想坐起來(lái)，我還聽(tīng)見(jiàn)自己對(duì)朋友說(shuō)：“哥們，我真想趕緊結(jié)束試驗(yàn)?！蔽野胨胄训仉x開(kāi)了公寓，穿著皺皺巴巴的連帽衫和牛仔褲，把車(chē)開(kāi)到了我家前面的修車(chē)鋪。我的車(chē)需要換剎車(chē)片了。由于我要從中午工作到晚上九點(diǎn)，所以只能預(yù)約上午修車(chē)。睡得太晚，上午又過(guò)得稀里糊涂，我累得忘了看日程表，還錯(cuò)過(guò)了下午一點(diǎn)和大客戶(hù)的重要會(huì)議。

起頭的三天就為這兩周奠定了基調(diào)。

第十四天上午，我坐在床上回想著自己的試驗(yàn)。很可能最讓我意外的就是從頭到尾我的心情一點(diǎn)也沒(méi)變。除了工作進(jìn)度“大有起色”外，我還是跟試驗(yàn)前一樣不高興，一樣茫然無(wú)措。

我回想起了幾年前和一位導(dǎo)師的對(duì)話(huà)。當(dāng)時(shí)我的公司剛剛起步，所以找他抱怨壓力太大。聽(tīng)我訴完苦后，他說(shuō)：“工作不是壓力的來(lái)源，真正的壓力來(lái)自對(duì)工作的擔(dān)心。你干嗎這么擔(dān)心？”

突然，我意識(shí)到自己想錯(cuò)了。我本該從這次嘗試中學(xué)的東西其實(shí)跟我的工作日程沒(méi)有一點(diǎn)關(guān)系。試驗(yàn)失敗的原因是，無(wú)論日程怎樣改進(jìn)，或者我花多長(zhǎng)時(shí)間來(lái)娛樂(lè)和放松，我還是我。

我還是會(huì)因?yàn)榉赶掠薮赖腻e(cuò)誤而自責(zé)；只要達(dá)不到目標(biāo)，我還是會(huì)痛罵自己；我還是總擔(dān)心自己不夠好，不夠聰明，不夠有效率；我還是吃的亂七八糟，還是沒(méi)時(shí)間讓自己恢復(fù)活力，還是埋在一堆要做的工作里。唯一改變的是我的睡覺(jué)時(shí)間，還變?cè)懔恕?/p>

我需要吸取的教訓(xùn)要深刻的多。

想象一個(gè)小孩子正在踢足球。他來(lái)回奔跑，氣喘吁吁，竭盡全力。足球幾乎跟小孩一樣大，看上去很可愛(ài)。但他非常堅(jiān)定，而且非常努力。他甚至進(jìn)了幾個(gè)球，讓人覺(jué)得眼前一亮。

但突然，這個(gè)小家伙踩到松開(kāi)的鞋帶一頭栽倒在草地上。他爸爸馬上在觀(guān)眾席上跳起來(lái)大喊道：“怎么搞的？跑幾步都會(huì)摔倒。沒(méi)出息！”

看到這一幕，就連最鐵石心腸的人也會(huì)忍不住對(duì)這位父親怒火中燒。如此嚴(yán)厲的責(zé)罵會(huì)留下難以愈合的傷疤，我們都很清楚，因?yàn)槲覀儼咽虑楦阍业臅r(shí)候經(jīng)常也會(huì)這樣罵自己。也許正因如此，聽(tīng)到別人這么說(shuō)會(huì)格外生氣。

但慢慢地，我們成熟了，覺(jué)得自己再也不是足球場(chǎng)上的可愛(ài)小孩，不再值得鼓勵(lì)和表?yè)P(yáng)；開(kāi)始覺(jué)得要激發(fā)斗志最好通過(guò)罵自己，而不是鼓勁。

或許照鏡子時(shí)當(dāng)初那個(gè)小孩早已不見(jiàn)，但在內(nèi)心深處，我們都知道自己骨子里沒(méi)變多少。每天早上起床工作，時(shí)刻努力打拼想做到最好。其實(shí)很難，因?yàn)樵谀繕?biāo)和夢(mèng)想面前，我們?nèi)绱嗣煨?，也正因?yàn)槿绱?，每取得一點(diǎn)成就都十分不易。夢(mèng)想落空的時(shí)候也很多，但這就是生活。

這次試驗(yàn)改變了我兩個(gè)星期的日程，但并沒(méi)有改變我，這就是失敗的原因。試驗(yàn)過(guò)去好幾天了，我的生活已回歸正常，加班加點(diǎn)，早出晚歸。不過(guò)，和之前一段時(shí)間相比，我更快樂(lè)了，工作效率也提高了。

雖然這絕對(duì)是我最糟糕的生產(chǎn)率試驗(yàn)，但還是很感激。因?yàn)槲颐靼琢?，我還是當(dāng)初那個(gè)足球場(chǎng)上的小孩；我明白了快樂(lè)跟去哪里做什么無(wú)關(guān)；我還明白了，要善待的不光是別人。我決定要開(kāi)始給自己加油鼓勁了。（財(cái)富中文網(wǎng)）

杰西·李爾是V.I.P. Waste Services聯(lián)合創(chuàng)始人，該公司的業(yè)務(wù)是跟公寓社區(qū)簽約，為其提供上門(mén)收取垃圾和可回收物的高端服務(wù)。

譯者：Pessy

審校：夏林

One recent afternoon, as I sat in a crowded coffee shop cursing the Wi–Fi and beating myself up for not getting enough done, I reached my limit. I leaned back, looked away from my screen, and thought, “I don’t want to live like this anymore.”

I was tired of overwhelming to-do lists. Tired of waking up from stressful dreams that left me feeling like I’d worked all night. Tired of skipping breakfast, scarfing down granola bars between meetings, and racing home at night just in time to drive through my favorite fast-food place before it closed. It was time to try something new.

And so in a rash decision, I sent an email to my assistant and said, “Please clear my calendar every morning until noon for the next two weeks. I want to do an experiment.”

My only requirement for this two-week experiment was that I spend each morning on activities that would allow me to relax, recharge, and rest. Like reading The Count of Monte Cristo at my favorite cafe. Kayaking down a river. Even just pacing around my apartment dreaming – like I used to do as a kid.

During these two weeks, work would be limited to the hours between noon and 9 p.m.

I was excited. Admittedly, I was also scared. What would happen if I worked fewer hours given that I was already barely keeping up? What would my friends and mentors think? After all, you have to hustle 24/7 to make it big, right?

My assumption, though, was that having several hours of breathing room every morning to think, dream, and relax would have a counter-intuitive effect and actually make me more productive.

Here’s what happened next:

Day 1: I woke up around 8:30 a.m. and relaxed in bed for a while. Reaching for my phone, I dreamed up a list of activities to do during my newfound free time. Then I got out of bed, put on sweats and a hat and went for a long walk around the neighborhood. By the time I showered, dressed, and made myself a smoothie, it was noon.

Day 2: Despite setting my alarm for 7 a.m, I slept until 10 a.m. Having watched TV until 3 a.m., I needed the extra sleep. Turns out it’s hard to motivate yourself to go to bed early when you don’t have to work until noon. I made breakfast and read a few pages from The Count of Monte Cristo. Next thing I knew, it was 11:30 a.m., so I rushed through a hot shower and quickly got dressed. Arriving a few minutes late to my 12:30 p.m. lunch meeting, I felt scattered and lazy and spent the next few hours beating myself up for sleeping in so long.

Day 3: I slept in. Again. And I would have slept longer had my phone not rang. Rubbing my eyes and struggling to sit up, I heard myself telling a friend, “Dude, I can’t wait for this experiment to be over.” I left my apartment still half-asleep wearing a wrinkled hoodie and jeans and drove to the auto repair shop down the street. My car needed new brakes, and since I was working noon to 9 p.m. every day, a morning appointment had been the only option. Frazzled from the late night and weird morning, I forgot to check my calendar and also missed an important 1 p.m. meeting with my largest client.

Those first three days set the tone for the entire two weeks.

On the morning of Day 14, I sat in bed reflecting on the experiment. Probably most surprising was the fact that it hadn’t changed how I felt at all. Despite a dramatic “improvement” to my schedule, I was just as unhappy and just as overwhelmed.

That’s when my mind drifted back to a conversation with a mentor of mine from several years earlier. My company was just getting off the ground at the time, and I was complaining about the stress. After listening to me, he said, “Stress doesn’t come from work. It comes from worrying about work. Why are you worrying so much?”

Suddenly, I realized that I was missing the point. The lesson I was supposed to learn from this experiment had nothing to do with my schedule at all. The reason the experiment failed was that, no matter how much my schedule improved or how much time I spent on fun and relaxing activities, I was still me.

I was still beating myself up over every dumb mistake. I was still saying terrible things to myself every time I fell short. I was still constantly worrying that I wasn’t good enough, smart enough, or productive enough. I was still eating poorly, still not making time for rejuvenating activities, still overwhelmed by my to-do list. The only thing that had changed was my sleep schedule. And it had changed for the worse.

The lesson I needed to learn was much deeper.

Imagine a little kid playing soccer. He runs back and forth, out of breath, trying his hardest. It’s cute to watch because the ball is almost as big as he is. But he’s so determined, and he’s trying so hard. He even makes a couple of goals, which you find impressive.

But then, the little kid trips over an untied shoelace and falls face first onto the grassy field. Immediately, his dad jumps up from the stands and screams, “Are you serious? You can’t even run down the field without falling? You’re such a loser!”

Witnessing this scene would make even the coldest heart burn with anger toward the little kid’s dad. Words like these leave wounds that aren’t easily forgotten, and we know this because we often use them on ourselves when we mess up. Perhaps that’s why it makes us so angry to hear them used on others.

But somewhere along the way, as we’ve grown up, we’ve decided that we are no longer the cute little kid on the soccer field. We’ve decided that we no longer deserve encouragement and grace. We’ve decided that it’s better to whisper hurtful things to ourselves than to cheer ourselves on.

While we may no longer see that little kid when we look in the mirror, deep in our hearts we know that we are still very much him. Every morning, we get out of bed and we do the best we know how. It’s hard, because our goals and dreams are so much bigger than we are, which makes the fact that we’ve already done so much pretty impressive. But we also fall short a lot, and that’s life.

While this experiment changed my schedule for two weeks, it didn’t change me. And that’s why it failed. It’s been several days since it ended, and my life is now back to normal with it’s long hours, early mornings, and late nights. But I’m happier and more productive than I’ve been in a long time.

While this was definitely the worst productivity experiment I’ve ever tried, I’m grateful for it because it taught me that I am still the little kid on the soccer field. It taught me that my happiness has nothing to do with where I go or what I do. And it taught me that kindness isn’t just for other people. I’ve decided to start cheering myself on.

– Jesse Lear is the co-founder of V.I.P. Waste Services, a company that contracts with apartment communities to pick up trash and recyclables from residents’ doors as a luxury amenity.