布雷克·麥考斯基于2006年創(chuàng)立湯姆布鞋后,迅速成為創(chuàng)業(yè)明星。這個以“買一送一”模式著稱的便鞋品牌成為老少皆宜的舒適鞋款,深受時尚和慈善人士的喜愛。據(jù)該品牌網(wǎng)站稱,到2020年,該品牌將捐贈超過1億雙鞋。
然而,當(dāng)麥考斯基在2014年以6.25億美元的價格將公司50%的股份出售給貝恩資本(Bain Capital),并從領(lǐng)導(dǎo)崗位退居二線,成為公司的“首席捐鞋者”時,他意識到創(chuàng)業(yè)成功只能帶他走到這一步了。
麥考斯基對《財富》雜志表示:"我失去很多明確的目標(biāo),也找不到生活的意義?!?/p>
在過去的十年里,麥考斯基一直飽受抑郁和孤獨之苦,這主要是因為他將自己的身份與曾經(jīng)掌舵的品牌緊緊聯(lián)系在一起。在2016年《哈佛商業(yè)評論》(Harvard Business Review)的一篇專欄文章中,麥考斯基寫道,盡管取得了巨大的成功,但他開始感到“幻滅”?!拔遗c許多負(fù)責(zé)日常運營的高管失去了聯(lián)系。湯姆布鞋曾是我存在的理由,現(xiàn)在卻感覺像是一份工作。”當(dāng)時,他已經(jīng)休了一段假,在考慮下一步的打算。
他在專欄文章的最后樂觀地表示,他的目標(biāo)是將湯姆布鞋擴(kuò)展到烘焙業(yè)務(wù),每售出一袋咖啡就向有需要的人捐贈水,但他的孤獨和抑郁依然存在。
麥考斯基的孤獨感也源于他的流浪生活。最近,他和家人在灣區(qū)定居下來,但他表示自己沒有收獲渴望已久的親密友誼。
今年3月,麥考斯基從一位朋友那里得知,在德克薩斯州奧斯汀有一個為期三天的男性靜修營,該活動由Junto(旨在改善男性心理健康的社區(qū))主辦。他報了名,然后收拾好行囊。
他被介紹給其他男性,其中有很多像他一樣的企業(yè)家。麥考斯基參加了有關(guān)情商、關(guān)系型領(lǐng)導(dǎo)力和個人完整性的練習(xí),這是Junto非暴力溝通的三大支柱。輔導(dǎo)員與他們討論了如何進(jìn)行艱難的對話,特別是與伴侶,如何觀察而不是評判,如何談?wù)摳惺芏皇寝D(zhuǎn)為憤怒,以及如何表達(dá)需求和請求。麥考斯基說:“這些內(nèi)容我聞所未聞。我們每個人都舉了一個生活中可能發(fā)生沖突的例子。靜修營為我們提供一個真實的模式,可以在工作和領(lǐng)導(dǎo)中,在同事、員工和董事會中使用。”
對麥考斯基來說,尋找人脈和社區(qū)可能比休假更有益。
他說:“我參加此次靜修營的原因是我感覺有點困頓,陷入了困境。此次靜修營并不關(guān)注男性的體力或職業(yè)履歷:大家談?wù)摰氖敲媾R的挑戰(zhàn),而不是頭銜。我們禁止談?wù)摴ぷ?。參加靜修營能給我們帶來強大力量。”
角落辦公室的孤獨
麥考斯基的經(jīng)歷并非個例。每個人,無論其性別認(rèn)同和頭銜如何,都可能面臨孤獨,而代表性不足的員工在進(jìn)入角落辦公室時遇到的障礙要多得多。然而,男性領(lǐng)導(dǎo)者表示,他們感到自己與外界脫節(jié),要表現(xiàn)出刻板印象中鐵面無私的硬漢形象,因而面臨著巨大壓力。
安德魯·霍恩(Andrew Horn)在注意到男性對建立聯(lián)系的迫切需求后,于2017年創(chuàng)立了Junto,這種需求在更廣泛的孤獨流行病中變得更為明顯——40%的男性表示他們從不談?wù)撟约旱男睦斫】怠?/p>
隨著越來越多的男性愿意尋找空間建立聯(lián)系,并展示情感脆弱的一面,靜修營正成為填補這一空白的一種方式。他們中的許多人是第一次這樣做。
霍恩在紐約市舉辦了第一場活動,有八位男士參與,在此之后,他發(fā)現(xiàn)了建立聯(lián)系帶來的變革力量,并致力于幫助男性在其生活、工作和服務(wù)的空間中展示真實的自己。
他在接受《財富》雜志采訪時表示:“我從中感受到了一種真實感。從那一刻開始,我就清楚地感覺到,這種男人們可以聚在一起的、完全透明的空間有其特別之處。”
霍恩每季度舉辦一次靜修營,并表示,為男性創(chuàng)造分享情感的空間,有助于他們展示更真實的自己,以及培養(yǎng)目標(biāo)。另一種選擇則會造成傷害。Lightfully Behavioral Health的治療師馬修·霍奇金(Matthew Hodgkin)說,壓抑情緒會導(dǎo)致人們出于憤怒采取行動,并導(dǎo)致人們采取有害的替代方法來麻痹痛苦,比如進(jìn)行自我治療。
霍恩說:“接近我們也會變得更安全。”
正如霍恩所說,“情緒掌控”可以幫助人們實時管理孤獨等情緒。花時間去認(rèn)識和反思生活中不那么光鮮的一面是駕馭心靈的一部分。
霍恩說:“如果我感到憤怒、悲傷、羞恥,這些情緒會影響思想和行為。我是希望這種情形在自己有意識的情況下發(fā)生,還是無意識地發(fā)生?”
學(xué)會敞開心扉
一開始,展示脆弱的一面往往會讓人感到害怕,麥考斯基也未能幸免。
“你會環(huán)顧房間,然后想,‘我來對地方了嗎?’”麥考斯基談到這次靜修營經(jīng)歷時說?!澳銜a(chǎn)生某種疑慮。這些人和我面臨同樣的挑戰(zhàn)嗎?這次靜修有意義嗎?”
最終,麥考斯基分享了他的感激之情,以及離開公司后的抑郁和孤獨感。他說:“我們都有一些共同之處,可以在一起分析情況?!?/p>
靜修營結(jié)束后,麥考斯基并沒有天真地認(rèn)為這是解決一切問題的辦法。他的公司后來被債權(quán)人接管,進(jìn)行了債務(wù)重組。他正在考慮開辦一家?guī)椭渌髽I(yè)家的輔導(dǎo)企業(yè),并計劃將溝通課程引入婚姻生活。他還認(rèn)為,為男性提供空間來挑戰(zhàn)灌輸給他們的男子氣概敘事,對于改善心理健康結(jié)果、人際關(guān)系和領(lǐng)導(dǎo)力至關(guān)重要。“你正在經(jīng)歷的任何事情,很有可能會有一對夫婦,至少是其他男性,也在經(jīng)歷同樣的事情,"麥考斯基說,他注意到真實的溝通如何能成為孤獨的解藥。"你并不是唯一一個在孤島上思考問題的人。"
雖然參加周末舉辦的男性靜修營可能要花費數(shù)千美元,但霍恩希望通過為男性群體提供工具和課程,讓他們在自己的時間,比如在上班期間或下班后做到這一點,從而讓“情緒掌控”變得更為普遍。(財富中文網(wǎng))
譯者:中慧言-王芳
在過去的十年里,湯姆布鞋(Toms)的創(chuàng)始人布雷克·麥考斯基(Blake Mycoskie)一直在與抑郁和孤獨作斗爭。
布雷克·麥考斯基于2006年創(chuàng)立湯姆布鞋后,迅速成為創(chuàng)業(yè)明星。這個以“買一送一”模式著稱的便鞋品牌成為老少皆宜的舒適鞋款,深受時尚和慈善人士的喜愛。據(jù)該品牌網(wǎng)站稱,到2020年,該品牌將捐贈超過1億雙鞋。
然而,當(dāng)麥考斯基在2014年以6.25億美元的價格將公司50%的股份出售給貝恩資本(Bain Capital),并從領(lǐng)導(dǎo)崗位退居二線,成為公司的“首席捐鞋者”時,他意識到創(chuàng)業(yè)成功只能帶他走到這一步了。
麥考斯基對《財富》雜志表示:"我失去很多明確的目標(biāo),也找不到生活的意義?!?/p>
在過去的十年里,麥考斯基一直飽受抑郁和孤獨之苦,這主要是因為他將自己的身份與曾經(jīng)掌舵的品牌緊緊聯(lián)系在一起。在2016年《哈佛商業(yè)評論》(Harvard Business Review)的一篇專欄文章中,麥考斯基寫道,盡管取得了巨大的成功,但他開始感到“幻滅”?!拔遗c許多負(fù)責(zé)日常運營的高管失去了聯(lián)系。湯姆布鞋曾是我存在的理由,現(xiàn)在卻感覺像是一份工作?!碑?dāng)時,他已經(jīng)休了一段假,在考慮下一步的打算。
他在專欄文章的最后樂觀地表示,他的目標(biāo)是將湯姆布鞋擴(kuò)展到烘焙業(yè)務(wù),每售出一袋咖啡就向有需要的人捐贈水,但他的孤獨和抑郁依然存在。
麥考斯基的孤獨感也源于他的流浪生活。最近,他和家人在灣區(qū)定居下來,但他表示自己沒有收獲渴望已久的親密友誼。
今年3月,麥考斯基從一位朋友那里得知,在德克薩斯州奧斯汀有一個為期三天的男性靜修營,該活動由Junto(旨在改善男性心理健康的社區(qū))主辦。他報了名,然后收拾好行囊。
他被介紹給其他男性,其中有很多像他一樣的企業(yè)家。麥考斯基參加了有關(guān)情商、關(guān)系型領(lǐng)導(dǎo)力和個人完整性的練習(xí),這是Junto非暴力溝通的三大支柱。輔導(dǎo)員與他們討論了如何進(jìn)行艱難的對話,特別是與伴侶,如何觀察而不是評判,如何談?wù)摳惺芏皇寝D(zhuǎn)為憤怒,以及如何表達(dá)需求和請求。麥考斯基說:“這些內(nèi)容我聞所未聞。我們每個人都舉了一個生活中可能發(fā)生沖突的例子。靜修營為我們提供一個真實的模式,可以在工作和領(lǐng)導(dǎo)中,在同事、員工和董事會中使用?!?/p>
對麥考斯基來說,尋找人脈和社區(qū)可能比休假更有益。
他說:“我參加此次靜修營的原因是我感覺有點困頓,陷入了困境。此次靜修營并不關(guān)注男性的體力或職業(yè)履歷:大家談?wù)摰氖敲媾R的挑戰(zhàn),而不是頭銜。我們禁止談?wù)摴ぷ?。參加靜修營能給我們帶來強大力量?!?/p>
角落辦公室的孤獨
麥考斯基的經(jīng)歷并非個例。每個人,無論其性別認(rèn)同和頭銜如何,都可能面臨孤獨,而代表性不足的員工在進(jìn)入角落辦公室時遇到的障礙要多得多。然而,男性領(lǐng)導(dǎo)者表示,他們感到自己與外界脫節(jié),要表現(xiàn)出刻板印象中鐵面無私的硬漢形象,因而面臨著巨大壓力。
安德魯·霍恩(Andrew Horn)在注意到男性對建立聯(lián)系的迫切需求后,于2017年創(chuàng)立了Junto,這種需求在更廣泛的孤獨流行病中變得更為明顯——40%的男性表示他們從不談?wù)撟约旱男睦斫】怠?/p>
隨著越來越多的男性愿意尋找空間建立聯(lián)系,并展示情感脆弱的一面,靜修營正成為填補這一空白的一種方式。他們中的許多人是第一次這樣做。
霍恩在紐約市舉辦了第一場活動,有八位男士參與,在此之后,他發(fā)現(xiàn)了建立聯(lián)系帶來的變革力量,并致力于幫助男性在其生活、工作和服務(wù)的空間中展示真實的自己。
他在接受《財富》雜志采訪時表示:“我從中感受到了一種真實感。從那一刻開始,我就清楚地感覺到,這種男人們可以聚在一起的、完全透明的空間有其特別之處?!?/p>
參加Junto靜修營的男士們正在進(jìn)行寫作練習(xí)。
霍恩每季度舉辦一次靜修營,并表示,為男性創(chuàng)造分享情感的空間,有助于他們展示更真實的自己,以及培養(yǎng)目標(biāo)。另一種選擇則會造成傷害。Lightfully Behavioral Health的治療師馬修·霍奇金(Matthew Hodgkin)說,壓抑情緒會導(dǎo)致人們出于憤怒采取行動,并導(dǎo)致人們采取有害的替代方法來麻痹痛苦,比如進(jìn)行自我治療。
霍恩說:“接近我們也會變得更安全。”
正如霍恩所說,“情緒掌控”可以幫助人們實時管理孤獨等情緒?;〞r間去認(rèn)識和反思生活中不那么光鮮的一面是駕馭心靈的一部分。
霍恩說:“如果我感到憤怒、悲傷、羞恥,這些情緒會影響思想和行為。我是希望這種情形在自己有意識的情況下發(fā)生,還是無意識地發(fā)生?”
學(xué)會敞開心扉
一開始,展示脆弱的一面往往會讓人感到害怕,麥考斯基也未能幸免。
“你會環(huán)顧房間,然后想,‘我來對地方了嗎?’”麥考斯基談到這次靜修營經(jīng)歷時說。“你會產(chǎn)生某種疑慮。這些人和我面臨同樣的挑戰(zhàn)嗎?這次靜修有意義嗎?”
最終,麥考斯基分享了他的感激之情,以及離開公司后的抑郁和孤獨感。他說:“我們都有一些共同之處,可以在一起分析情況。”
靜修營結(jié)束后,麥考斯基并沒有天真地認(rèn)為這是解決一切問題的辦法。他的公司后來被債權(quán)人接管,進(jìn)行了債務(wù)重組。他正在考慮開辦一家?guī)椭渌髽I(yè)家的輔導(dǎo)企業(yè),并計劃將溝通課程引入婚姻生活。他還認(rèn)為,為男性提供空間來挑戰(zhàn)灌輸給他們的男子氣概敘事,對于改善心理健康結(jié)果、人際關(guān)系和領(lǐng)導(dǎo)力至關(guān)重要?!澳阏诮?jīng)歷的任何事情,很有可能會有一對夫婦,至少是其他男性,也在經(jīng)歷同樣的事情,"麥考斯基說,他注意到真實的溝通如何能成為孤獨的解藥。"你并不是唯一一個在孤島上思考問題的人。"
雖然參加周末舉辦的男性靜修營可能要花費數(shù)千美元,但霍恩希望通過為男性群體提供工具和課程,讓他們在自己的時間,比如在上班期間或下班后做到這一點,從而讓“情緒掌控”變得更為普遍。(財富中文網(wǎng))
譯者:中慧言-王芳
For the last decade, Blake Mycoskie, founder of Toms, has dealt with periods of depression and loneliness.
JUNTO
After Blake Mycoskie founded Toms in 2006, he quickly rose to entrepreneurial stardom. Known for its buy-one give-one model, the slip-on shoe brand became a staple of comfort for the young and the old who appreciated the style and philanthropic effort. The brand donated over 100 million pairs of shoes by 2020, according to their website.
However, when Mycoskie sold a 50% share of the company, valued at $625 million, to Bain Capital in 2014 and stepped back from his leadership role to become the company’s “Chief Shoe Giver,” he learned that entrepreneurial success only gets you so far.
“I lost a lot of my clear meaning and purpose,” Mycoskie tells Fortune.
For the last decade, Mycoskie has dealt with periods of depression and loneliness, mainly due to how tightly he had tethered his identity to the brand he once helmed. In a 2016 op-ed in the Harvard Business Review, Mycoskie wrote that he began feeling “disillusioned” despite immense success. “I had lost my connection to many of the executives who were running daily operations. What had once been my reason for being now felt like a job.” At the time, he had taken a sabbatical to think about his next steps.
He concluded the op-ed optimistic about his goal to expand Toms to a roastery business, donating water to those in need with every coffee bag sold, but his loneliness and depression persisted.
Mycoskie’s loneliness also stems from being somewhat of a nomad. Having recently settled down in the Bay Area with his family, he says he doesn’t have the close friendships he desires.
His feelings of disconnection finally propelled Mycoskie, who, in March of this year, learned from a friend about a three-day all-men’s retreat in Austin, Texas, hosted by Junto, a community for men to improve their mental health. He signed up and packed his bags.
He was introduced to other men, many entrepreneurs like himself. Mycoskie participated in exercises around emotional intelligence, relational leadership, and personal integrity—Junto’s three pillars of nonviolent communication. Facilitators talked with the men about how to have difficult conversations, especially with a partner, how to observe versus judge, talk about feelings rather than turn to anger, and how to articulate needs and requests. “That was something I had never heard of,” Mycoskie says. “We each brought up an example in our life where [conflict] would happen. It gave us a real model that we can use both in work and leadership, with coworkers, employees, and boards of directors.”
Finding connections and community may have been more beneficial for Mycoskie than that sabbatical from work.
“What caused me to go is just kind of feeling a little bit stuck and a little bit in a rut,” he says. The retreat didn’t focus on men’s physical strengths or professional resumés: They spoke of their challenges, not their titles. “We were asked not to talk at all about what we do,” he says. That was a really powerful thing.”
Loneliness in the corner office
Mycoskie’s experience is not an isolated one. Everyone, no matter their gender identity and title, can face loneliness, and underrepresented employees experience far more barriers to the corner office. However, male leaders say they feel disconnected and face immense pressure to represent the stereotypical, emotionless tough guy.
Andrew Horn founded Junto in 2017 after noticing a critical need for connection among men, which has become more apparent amid the broader loneliness epidemic—40% of men say they never talk about their mental health.
Retreats are becoming one way to fill in the gap as more men are open to finding spaces to connect and be emotionally vulnerable—many for the first time.
After hosting his first event with eight men in New York City, Horn saw the transformative power of feeling connected and aimed to help men show up authentically in the spaces they live, work, and serve in.
“There was just a level of realness that came out of it,” he tells Fortune. “From that first moment, I felt so clear that there was something special about this type of space where men could come together to be completely transparent.”
Men during a Junto retreat partake in a writing exercise.
JUNTO
Creating space for men to share their emotions helps them show up more authentically and cultivate purpose, Horn says, who hosts the company’s quarterly retreats. The alternative is damaging. Suppressed emotions can cause people to act out of anger and lead people to harmful alternatives to numb the pain, like self-medicating, says Matthew Hodgkin, a therapist at Lightfully Behavioral Health.
“We become safer people to be around,” says Horn.
“Emotional mastery,” as Horn puts it, helps people manage emotions like loneliness in real time. Taking time to recognize and reflect on the less-than-glamorous side of life is a part of mastering the mind.
“If I’m feeling angry, if I’m feeling sad, if I’m feeling shame, those things are going to imprint onto our thoughts and onto our actions,” says Horn. “Do I want that to happen consciously or unconsciously?”
Learning to open up
Being vulnerable often feels scary at first pass, and Mycoskie was not immune to the phenomenon.
“You’re kind of looking around the room, you’re kind of wondering, ‘Am I in the right place?’” Mycoskie says of the retreat experience. “There’s a certain set of doubts. Do the guys have the same challenges I have? Is this going to be meaningful?”
Eventually, though, Mycoskie shared what he was grateful for and his feelings of depression and loneliness after moving on from his business. “We all had some commonalities that we could really unpack together,” he says.
After the retreat, while not naive to believe it’s a fix-all, Mycoskie, whose company has since been taken over by creditors to restructure debt, reflected on how to find more purpose. He is toying with starting a coaching business to help other entrepreneurs and plans to take the communication lessons into his marriage. He also sees spaces for men to challenge instilled narratives about masculinity as crucial for improving mental health outcomes, relationships, and leadership. “Anything that you’re going through, there’s a very good chance there’ll be a couple, other men, at least, going through the same thing,” Mycoskie says, who noticed how authentic communication can be the antidote to loneliness. “You’re not just thinking about it in a silo by yourself.”
While men’s retreats can cost a couple thousand dollars for a weekend, Horn hopes to make “emotional mastery” more commonplace by giving groups of men the tools and curriculum to do this on their own time—in or out of the office.