????作為一名科技作家，我對科技企業(yè)的創(chuàng)新速度感到很震驚。15年前，互聯(lián)網(wǎng)使用的還是56K的調(diào)制解調(diào)器，那時說起高質(zhì)量的流媒體視頻內(nèi)容，不啻于癡人說夢。10年前，社交圖譜的力量在很大程度上還未得到開發(fā)，因為當(dāng)時主流的社交網(wǎng)站甚至還沒有誕生。就在5年前，移動電話的體驗還主要以奔邁（Palm）、黑莓和所謂的“直板手機(jī)”為主，它們也只是大略揭示了未來手機(jī)的發(fā)展方向——也就是今天我們認(rèn)為理所當(dāng)然的以液晶觸屏和應(yīng)用程序為主的手機(jī)體驗?？萍荚诤芏喾矫娑纪苿恿宋覀兊纳?，不過只有一個方面，我不確定科技是否真的幫了我們的忙——那就是戀愛。

????我的一位好朋友（這里不妨叫她“凱瑟琳”）建議我看看2011款雪佛蘭科魯茲（Chevy Cruze）轎車的廣告。這支廣告強(qiáng)調(diào)道，這款緊湊型轎車能夠為駕駛者“實時更新信息”。在廣告里，這款轎車的擁有者與一個女孩子第一次約會。約會結(jié)束后，他可以立刻看到那個女孩子的Facebook狀態(tài)。所以當(dāng)那個女孩子更新了她的狀態(tài)時（“有史以來最好的初次約會！”），他在幾分鐘內(nèi)就能知道。凱瑟琳說，這支廣告讓人的心情非常沉重，并不是由于廣告本身，而是由于廣告中的概念——科技（在這個案例中即為高度的互聯(lián)性）正在慢慢侵蝕一些對我們來說十分重要的事情——戀愛的神秘感和驚喜感。

????克魯茲的這個廣告雖然有點讓人傷感，不過它讓我開始思考，科技在我們生活的有形方面扮演了多大的角色?，F(xiàn)在很多人仍然以傳統(tǒng)的方式和大多數(shù)親朋好友會面，不過也有許多人通過網(wǎng)絡(luò)進(jìn)行社交。牛津大學(xué)最近的一份研究顯示，三分之一的網(wǎng)民都曾訪問過在線交友網(wǎng)站。Match.com是一家領(lǐng)先的在線交友服務(wù)網(wǎng)站，該網(wǎng)站聲稱已有160萬會員，而且去年的營收達(dá)到了4億美元。該網(wǎng)站還聲稱，現(xiàn)在每6對婚姻里，就至少有一對是通過網(wǎng)絡(luò)認(rèn)識的。此外每5對固定的男女朋友關(guān)系里，就有一對是通過網(wǎng)絡(luò)交友認(rèn)識的。

科技破壞了戀愛的發(fā)現(xiàn)過程

????在某些方面，Match.com這樣的交友網(wǎng)站讓擇偶變得極為容易，這對于網(wǎng)站自身和上網(wǎng)擇偶的人來說并不是壞事。不過網(wǎng)站上的每個人都被簡化成了一張照片，就像一本年鑒一樣，每一頁都是人的臉，讓人不大容易把他們當(dāng)人看待，而是覺得他們更像一種唾手可得的商品。許多人（包括我自己在內(nèi)）可能沒有辦法只靠一張照片、一兩句自我介紹就能將自己推銷出去。他們需要獲得一些能夠突出自身品格的機(jī)會。在相親和交友上，只靠一張照片，是不可能把一切都交待清楚的。

????海量的照片容易使吹毛求疵的人把注意力放在別人身體的“小缺陷”上，從而把一個人更快地否定掉。這人有謝頂?shù)恼最^？不喜歡。那人的牙齒不太整齊？還是算了吧……此外交友網(wǎng)站也很少鼓勵用戶寫下一些有創(chuàng)造性的個人信息，用戶最多只是寫寫自己的好惡。要是你寫上自己喜歡密雪兒、喜歡用十字繡繡貓咪，喜歡給小貓起名叫查太萊夫人……那么對方八成會敬謝不敏。

????盡管我知道我并不是唯一一個這樣想的人，不過我還是想知道，我會不會因為想著下一頁里可能有更好看、更聰明、更幽默的人等著我，而忽略了某個可能和我產(chǎn)生化學(xué)反應(yīng)的人。我的父母性格很相像，他們正好違反了“異性相吸”那句老話。如果20世紀(jì)80年代就有交友網(wǎng)站的話，他們可能根本就不會見面。

????科技給人們提供了一層距離感，并可以讓人們匿名交友，這種感覺是人們在其它地方體驗不到的，而這反過來又影響了人們的禮節(jié)。雖然我們的照片可能掛在了網(wǎng)上，但我們的聯(lián)系方式卻并不是人人可見。如果一個人在酒吧里搭訕被拒絕了，他可能感到大失面子。不過如果你在交友網(wǎng)站上拒了某個人，你就不必?fù)?dān)心會傷害到他的感情。另一方面，交友網(wǎng)站起碼在一開始沒有真實的人際互動，因此交友網(wǎng)站上的人往往真實得近乎殘忍。在交友網(wǎng)站“OK丘比特”上，一個我很感興趣的人對我回復(fù)道：“噢，天哪，沒門兒！”這句話殺傷力之大，足以讓我淚奔到本地的7-11便利店，買上一品脫的哈根達(dá)斯冰淇淋，以治療我心靈上的創(chuàng)傷。

????除此之外，還有越來越多的人通過谷歌搜索引擎來“人肉”他們從網(wǎng)上認(rèn)識的準(zhǔn)男友或準(zhǔn)女友。當(dāng)然，我們有必要弄清楚我們的約會對象不是“黑寡婦”或者“開膛手杰克”。不過我們的好奇心如此強(qiáng)烈，往往會導(dǎo)致我們把約會對象調(diào)查個底兒朝天。這本來是個背景調(diào)查，但有時搜著搜著就有意外發(fā)現(xiàn)。與此同時，現(xiàn)在越來越多的人喜歡在約會前后把好消息通報給Facebook上的朋友們。這種做法似乎不大成熟，因為兩個人還是有可能會分道揚鑣的。

分手2.0

????由于通訊渠道和通訊設(shè)備的日新月異，分手也變得比以往更加容易。我曾見過有朋友在約會開始的五分鐘之前發(fā)短信取消約會，也見過同事通過Facebook的信息宣布分手，然后雙方開始鋪天蓋地地在網(wǎng)上發(fā)難聽的話——這就相當(dāng)于21世紀(jì)版的餐館分手大戰(zhàn)。此外我的一些朋友也接到過錯字連篇的分手短信，一看就是草草發(fā)出的：“很抱歉這樣做，雖然你很好，但我們不合適。祝你好運。”于是我就得帶著這些朋友出去買醉療傷。

????顯然，人們藏身科技之后，是為了盡量避免面對面做這種尷尬的事。我深知這一點。我曾經(jīng)接到過這樣的信息，也曾懦弱地寫過一兩次這樣的電子郵件：“你是一個很出色、很好的人，不過我們都知道，維系一段好的戀愛關(guān)系需要一種化學(xué)反應(yīng)，但我感覺不到我們之間有這種化學(xué)反應(yīng)……毫無疑問，你會讓另外某個人非常幸福的。”（這可不是我最驕傲的時刻）

????交友網(wǎng)站Chemistry.com提供了一種“分手功能”。如果你通過該網(wǎng)站和約會對象見了面，但對對方并不是很滿意，那么你可以在線填寫一份反饋表。如果對方也這樣做了，那么他們就會收到一條標(biāo)準(zhǔn)化的分手消息，告訴他們另覓他人。這比永遠(yuǎn)不和對方聯(lián)絡(luò)好一些，不過也好不了多少。這就好比你在酒吧里被人搭訕，你給了對方一個“辦證”的電話——這樣一來，假號碼就幫你辦了這件不光彩的事。

????當(dāng)然，現(xiàn)代人愛情生活的失敗，不能完全歸咎到這些服務(wù)和設(shè)備上。Match.com也好，F(xiàn)acebook和智能手機(jī)也好，它們只是工具，歸根結(jié)底，它們的目的是為了使生活更加便捷。事實上成功的故事也有很多，許多情侶都可以作證，他們都把科技稱為21世紀(jì)的丘比特。（他們沒有說謊。我的一位朋友就是在MySpace上找到了情投意合的伴侶。）

????不過，盡管現(xiàn)在科技已經(jīng)如此便捷，甚至我們通過一張照片，或網(wǎng)站個人說明中的某個古怪的愛好，就可以將某個人否定掉；或是發(fā)一條不到50個字的信息就可以和對方分手；又或舒舒服服地坐在新款雪佛蘭轎車?yán)?，就可以追蹤情人的狀態(tài)，但我們?nèi)匀挥胸?zé)任在戀愛里表現(xiàn)得更加得體些，不論在網(wǎng)上還是在網(wǎng)下都是如此。

????譯者：樸成奎

????As a tech writer, I'm impressed by the industry and the rate at which companies innovate. Fifteen years ago streaming high-quality video content was a pipe dream squeezed by the reality of 56K modems; the power of the social graph remained largely untapped a decade ago because mainstream social networks simply didn't exist to tap it; and as recently as five years ago, the mobile experience hosted by Palms, BlackBerries, and "candy bar" phones only hinted at the fluid, touchscreen-optimized, app-driven experience we take for granted today. Tech pushes us forward on multiple fronts, but there's one area I'm not sure it's helped much, and that's romance.

????A good friend -- let's call her "Kathleen" -- suggested I check out a TV spot for the 2011 Chevy Cruze that highlights the compact car's delivery of "real-time updates" to the driver. In the commercial, the car's owner had instant access to his date's Facebook Newsfeed, so when she updated her status ("Best first date ever!"), he knew within minutes. Kathleen argued the commercial was heart-sinkingly awful -- not because of its premise but the notion that technology, in this case hyper-connectivity, was eroding an element that matters to many of us -- the mystery and serendipity that often goes with dating.

????While the Cruze ad was schmaltzy, it got me thinking about how big a role technology now plays even in this, um, corporeal aspect of our lives. A good chunk of people still meet significant others the old-fashioned way, but many of us now turn online for help. A recent study conducted by the University of Oxford reports that nearly one in three Internet users have visited an online dating site, while one of the leading online dating services, Match.com, which claims nearly 1.6 million subscribers and raked in $400 million in revenues last year, claims that online dating now accounts for at least one in six marriages and one in five committed relationships.

Wreaking havoc on the discovery process

????In some ways Match makes it incredibly easy for users to be choosy -- not a bad thing in and of itself -- but people are presented like they're stock photos in a yearbook, with pages upon pages of faces that make it incredibly easy for daters to treat them less like human beings and more like easy commodities. Many – myself included – may need the opportunity to highlight our personalities beyond a small pic and one or two initially viewable sentences. In the case of dating and finding a match, a photo simply does not and can not say it all.

????This nouveau romantic discovery process encourages those of us with the Seinfeldian ability to fixate on the smallest physical "flaw" to write someone off even quicker. Receding hairline? Meh. Slightly crooked teeth? Pass. When it comes to the personal information people do put down, dating sites rarely encourage any sort of creativity, beyond listing likes and dislikes. Loves Joni Mitchell, cat embroidery designs and kittens named Lady Chatterley? No, thanks.

????And while I know I'm not alone in thinking along these lines, I wonder whether I end up overlooking people I'd have in-person chemistry with simply because someone hotter, smarter and funnier might be on the next Web page. Because I'm pretty sure if online dating had existed back in the 1980s, my parents -- who validate the old adage "opposites attract" to a tee -- would never had met.

????Tech offers people a layer of distance and anonymity in dating they can't find elsewhere, which in turn affects etiquette. Even if our photos are up there, our contact information isn't. We don't have to worry about the consequences of hurting someone's feelings the same way we would if we were picking up someone up at a bar. The lack of actual in-person interaction, at least initially, emboldens online daters to be ruthlessly honest. On OKCupid, one person I was interested in sweetly replied, "EW, GOD. NEVER," which was enough to send me to the local 7-Eleven for a pint of Haagen Daaz to nurse my bruised ego.

????People are also increasingly doing their research with Google search. Sure, we want to check that we're not about to spend our evening with a black widow or Jack the Ripper, but sheer curiosity also means we'll research the heck out of these dates, to the point where it's essentially a background search, sapping serendipity out of the discovery process. Meanwhile, more and more people Facebook Friend their dates right after or even before meeting them -- which seems a tad premature given things may not work out.

Dumping 2.0

????Dumping has quite simply never been easier, thanks to the proliferation of communication channels and devices. I've seen friends stood up via text five minutes before the date was supposed to start, observed college break-ups via Facebook message followed by ugly Wall-to-Wall conversations -- the 21st century equivalent of public blowout at a restaurant -- and I've taken friends out for conciliatory drinks after they've received fanciful texts like, "sory 2 do this but its not werking out. ur great tho. good luck."

????People clearly hide behind technology to avoid doing the deed face-to-face. I know this, having been on the receiving end, and having spinelessly done it once or twice myself with emails like: "You're a brilliant, kind person, but I didn't feel the chemistry you and I both know are required to make a relationship great. … No doubt, you will make someone very happy." (Not my proudest moment.)

????The dating site Chemistry.com offers what amounts to a dumping feature for "First Meetings," or first dates arranged through the service. Say you're just not that into them: fill out some feedback online, and once your date does the same, they get a standard cookie-cutter message telling them to move on. Better than never getting back to them at all, but not by much. The feature is sort of the modern-day equivalent of giving someone you were talking to in a bar the number from the dry-cleaner awning across the street -- the wrong number does the dirty work for you.

????Of course, all these services and devices aren't solely to blame for our modern-day misadventures. Match, Facebook, and that nifty smartphone are just tools -- means to ends -- intended to make life easier. As many couples will attest, they have: success stories abound, crediting technology in one way or another as their 21st century Cupid. (They don't lie. One of my friends found her soul mate on MySpace.)

????But the responsibility still falls on us to act decently, online and in person, even when it's now become possible to write someone off based on a thumbnail photo or quirky hobby; to dump someone in 50 characters or less; or to stalk a person from the comfort of our snazzy new Chevrolet.