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專欄 - 向Anne提問(wèn)

職場(chǎng)上你該如何道歉?

Anne Fisher 2014年08月19日

Anne Fisher為《財(cái)富》雜志《向Anne提問(wèn)》的專欄作者,這個(gè)職場(chǎng)專欄始于1996年,幫助讀者適應(yīng)經(jīng)濟(jì)的興衰起落、行業(yè)轉(zhuǎn)換,以及工作中面臨的各種困惑。
向上司、同事或客戶說(shuō)對(duì)不起,可能會(huì)面臨棘手的辦公室政治問(wèn)題,甚至面臨法律風(fēng)險(xiǎn)。但有時(shí)候,你不得不這么做。

????親愛(ài)的安妮:我有一個(gè)奇怪的問(wèn)題,希望您能幫助我。幾周前,我的團(tuán)隊(duì)與另外一只團(tuán)隊(duì)召開(kāi)了一次大規(guī)模會(huì)議,我們的上司,他的頂頭上司,以及一位公司高層,都出席了會(huì)議。我的上司在介紹由我負(fù)責(zé)的一個(gè)研究項(xiàng)目的結(jié)果時(shí),幾個(gè)關(guān)鍵數(shù)據(jù)出現(xiàn)了錯(cuò)誤。這些數(shù)據(jù)來(lái)自報(bào)告較早的版本,我們?cè)缫褜?duì)其進(jìn)行了修改,于是我站起來(lái)糾正了這些錯(cuò)誤。

????我真的很喜歡和尊重我的上司,我從沒(méi)想過(guò)要令他尷尬或讓他出丑。我只是下意識(shí)說(shuō)了那些話。但現(xiàn)在,他開(kāi)始排擠我,甚至都不看我一眼。我真希望爬到桌子底下,永遠(yuǎn)也別出來(lái)?,F(xiàn)在道歉是否為時(shí)已晚?如果您是我,您會(huì)對(duì)他說(shuō)些什么?——F.S.M.

????親愛(ài)的F.S.M.:現(xiàn)在道歉當(dāng)然不算晚。實(shí)際上,《道歉的藝術(shù)》(Art of the Apology: How, When, and Why to Give and Accept Apologies)一書(shū)的作者勞倫?M?布魯姆認(rèn)為:“很明顯,你的老板仍在生你的氣,所以,應(yīng)該道歉,這沒(méi)得選?!?/p>

????但在道歉的時(shí)候也要謹(jǐn)慎。布魯姆說(shuō)道:“在辦公室道歉,與在現(xiàn)實(shí)生活中道歉有所區(qū)別。在辦公室要考慮辦公室政治,在某些情況下,承認(rèn)錯(cuò)誤反而會(huì)令你丟掉飯碗?!弊鳛橐幻邮苓^(guò)培訓(xùn)的律師,她補(bǔ)充道:“一般而言,如果你犯的錯(cuò)誤可能引發(fā)法律訴訟,在承認(rèn)錯(cuò)誤之前,應(yīng)該先咨詢一下法務(wù)部門(mén)的同事?!?/p>

????為她的書(shū)做調(diào)查時(shí),布魯姆發(fā)現(xiàn),許多人犯了錯(cuò)誤后,贈(zèng)送并不適合工作場(chǎng)所的“道歉”禮物,例如一位好心的上司送給助理一束鮮花,但行政部門(mén)認(rèn)為“這是性別歧視,而且是太私人化的情感表示。這種錯(cuò)誤的道歉方式可能比原先的錯(cuò)誤更令人反感?!?/p>

????那么,你該對(duì)冷漠的上司說(shuō)些什么?在布魯姆看來(lái),每一次有效的道歉都有六個(gè)基本特點(diǎn)。首先是真誠(chéng),從你的提問(wèn)來(lái)看,這一點(diǎn)你已經(jīng)具備。大多數(shù)人從一英里外就能看出虛情假意的道歉,所以“你必須對(duì)自己做過(guò)的事情真心感到后悔,并且要毫不含糊地說(shuō)出來(lái),”布魯姆說(shuō)道,“從‘對(duì)不起’開(kāi)始?!?/p>

????其次,簡(jiǎn)明扼要地解釋一下你認(rèn)為自己做錯(cuò)了什么事情,你的錯(cuò)誤就是在高層在場(chǎng)的情況下糾正了上司的錯(cuò)誤。承認(rèn)你直言相告的舉動(dòng)令他很難堪,而這件事也讓你非常難受,同時(shí)轉(zhuǎn)移到第三步:建議下一次面臨這種情況(如果還會(huì)再出現(xiàn)的話)時(shí)的解決方案,并提出彌補(bǔ)過(guò)失的方式。

????布魯姆說(shuō)道:“如果在桌子下面小心翼翼地遞給他一張紙條,讓他能夠糾正自己的錯(cuò)誤,肯定會(huì)更好。你可以把它作為下一次面臨同樣情況時(shí)的解決方案。”

????Dear Annie:I have a weird problem that I hope you can help me with. A couple of weeks ago, my team was in a big meeting with another team, our boss, his boss, and a very senior person both managers report to. At one point, my boss was presenting the results of a research project I had worked on, and he got a couple of key figures wrong. The numbers came from an earlier version of the report that we had since revised, so I spoke up and corrected him.

????I really like and respect my boss, and the last thing I intended was to embarrass him or make him look bad. I just spoke without thinking. But now he’s freezing me out and won’t even look at me. I would like to crawl under my desk and stay there, possibly forever. Is it too late to apologize? What would you say to him if you were me? —Foot Stuck in Mouth

????Dear F.S.M.: Eek. It’s certainly not too late to say you’re sorry. In fact, at this point, says Lauren M. Bloom, author of Art of the Apology: How, When, and Why to Give and Accept Apologies, “Since your boss is obviously still upset with you, not apologizing is not an option.”

????But be careful how you go about it. “Apologizing at the office is not the same as in real life,” Bloom says. Depending on the circumstances, “there’s office politics to think about and, in certain situations, admitting fault can get you fired.” An attorney by training, she adds that “as a rule, in any instance where you’ve made a mistake and there is even the possibility of a lawsuit over it, speak with someone in the legal department before you admit any wrongdoing.”

????While researching her book, Bloom came across people who made matters worse by giving “I’m sorry” gifts inappropriate for the workplace, like one well-meaning boss who gave his assistant a bouquet of flowers. The admin “saw that as both sexist and too personal a gesture,” Bloom observes. “The wrong kind of apology can be more offensive than the original mistake.”

????So, what should you say to your frosty boss? By Bloom’s lights, every effective mea culpa has six essential features. The first one is sincerity, which your question suggests you’ve got covered. Most people can spot a phony apology from a mile away, so “you have to genuinely regret what you did, and say it unequivocally,” says Bloom. “Start with ‘I am sorry.’”

????Second, briefly explain precisely what you believe you did wrong, in this case correcting the boss in the presence of higher-ups. Acknowledge that you embarrassed him by speaking up and you feel rotten about it and, in the next breath, move on to Step Three: Suggest a solution for the next time this situation comes along (if it ever does), and propose a way to make amends.

????“It probably would have been better to discreetly hand him a note under the table so he could correct his own mistake,” Bloom says. “You could mention that as a solution for next time.”

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