????4. 首先去理解，然后再尋求對(duì)方的理解。這是史蒂芬?科維在風(fēng)靡全球的《高效人士的七個(gè)習(xí)慣》（Seven Habits of Highly Effective People）一書(shū)中提到的一條。我們都希望別人理解我們，我們的目的，我們的想法，我們的需求等等。但如果我們只專(zhuān)注于使自己的需求得到理解、接受、認(rèn)可，肯定會(huì)引發(fā)沖突。作為成年人，我們都有能力將自己的需求得到理解這件事“暫停”，延遲自我滿(mǎn)足，為其他人創(chuàng)造一個(gè)表達(dá)的空間。大多數(shù)人并沒(méi)有做到真正去傾聽(tīng)。他們只是在假裝傾聽(tīng)，直到他們有機(jī)會(huì)表達(dá)出自己的觀點(diǎn)。這種情況導(dǎo)致的結(jié)果往往是沖突愈演愈烈。所以，如果我們過(guò)于自私，過(guò)于以自我為中心，我們很有可能將大部分時(shí)間浪費(fèi)在沖突以及隨之而來(lái)的痛苦當(dāng)中。不要等著其他人去聽(tīng)你說(shuō)，你應(yīng)該主動(dòng)去聽(tīng)聽(tīng)別人想說(shuō)什么。當(dāng)然，說(shuō)起來(lái)容易做起來(lái)難。

????5. 始終堅(jiān)持合作的道路。如果你專(zhuān)注于讓自己成為“贏家”，合作關(guān)系就會(huì)成為犧牲品。公司會(huì)遭遇困難，而你也難逃其咎。讓自己成為短期的“贏家”，而其他人卻處在水深火熱當(dāng)中，這并不是真正的勝利。只要你能重新回歸本心，而不再只聽(tīng)從大腦的指揮（評(píng)判、評(píng)價(jià)、故事、批評(píng)、攻擊等），你就已經(jīng)是贏家。作為人類(lèi)，我們的自然條件是對(duì)他人具有同理心。如果我們沉湎于自己的判斷，我們可能會(huì)感覺(jué)自己是“正確的”，而其他人是“錯(cuò)誤的”?，F(xiàn)實(shí)情況是，我們都是有著良好意愿的人類(lèi)，這些意愿源自我們的內(nèi)在需求。真正的贏家會(huì)堅(jiān)持本心，專(zhuān)注于“我們作為合作伙伴，如何解決問(wèn)題，讓我們都成為贏家？”這條路并不輕松。但這是唯一一條用心靈去行走的道路，能夠讓我們超越狹隘的自我。這條路可以讓我們關(guān)心他人，實(shí)現(xiàn)和諧共處，精誠(chéng)合作。

????最后的建議。數(shù)千年來(lái)，關(guān)于“對(duì)與錯(cuò)”和“好與壞”的爭(zhēng)論從未停止。我們都陷入到一場(chǎng)評(píng)判的戰(zhàn)爭(zhēng)當(dāng)中。過(guò)去8000年來(lái)，人類(lèi)為此經(jīng)歷了無(wú)休止的暴力、痛苦和災(zāi)難。難道這些還不夠嗎？你還沒(méi)有對(duì)這樣的爭(zhēng)斗感到厭倦？你是否愿意專(zhuān)注于真正的問(wèn)題，專(zhuān)注于共同創(chuàng)造一個(gè)世界，幫助彼此滿(mǎn)足內(nèi)心的需求？如果你愿意這樣做，你一定能夠擺脫無(wú)休止的沖突，挖掘出人類(lèi)的真正潛力。我希望你能夠成功。這個(gè)星球的未來(lái)取決于你的努力。（財(cái)富中文網(wǎng)）

????注：本文基于我的導(dǎo)師馬歇爾?羅森博格開(kāi)創(chuàng)的“非暴力溝通”原則。在YouTube和亞馬遜網(wǎng)上可以找到他的作品。

????譯者：劉進(jìn)龍/汪皓

????審校：任文科

????4. Seek First to Understand, Then to Be Understood.This is one of the “Seven Habits of Highly Effective People” in the world-famous book by Steven Covey. We all want others to understand us, our intentions, our ideas, our needs. And, if we only focus attention on our own need to be understood, accepted, approved, etc., then we are going to end up in conflict. As adults, we have the ability to put our own need to be understood “on hold”…to delay gratification, and create a space for the other person to express themselves. Most people don’t truly listen. They simply pretend to listen until they can have a chance to speak their own point of view. The result is usually that the conflict grows in intensity. So, if we are selfish, self-centered, the chances are good that we will spend a good deal of our time in conflict and the suffering that goes with it. Instead of waiting for the other person to listen to you, take the initiative and truly listen to them. Of course it is easier said than done.

????5. Stay Committed to the Partnership.Every time you focus on “winning” for your point of you, a partnership is going to be sacrificed. The business is going to suffer and so are you. A short term ‘win’ that leaves another person bleeding in the water, is not a real win. If you can reconnect to your Heart, and stop living from your Head (judgments, evaluation, stories, criticisms, attacks) you are already a winner. Our natural condition as humans is to have empathy for others. When we indulge in our judgments we may feel we are “right” and the other person is “wrong.” The reality is we are all people with good intentions that come from deep human needs. The real winners are the ones who stay connected to their hearts and focus on “how can we work this out, as partners, so that we can all win?” It is not an easy path. And, it is the only path with Heart that can lead us beyond living from sheer ego. It is the path that keeps us connected to our caring for other people and the possibilities of truly working together in harmony.

????Final Words.For thousands of years we have been engaged in the process of waging the battle of “right or wrong” and “good or bad.” We have sunk into a battle of judgments. And, for the last 8000 years, the result has been non-stop violence, pain and suffering. Have you had enough? Are you tired of all the battles? Would you like to focus again on the real issues, the possibility of creating a world where we can all help each other get our deeper needs met? If so, you are on a path that leads away from incessant conflict and towards the real potential of the human race. I wish you well and I wish you success. Our future on this planet depends on your contribution.

????Note.This article is grounded in the principles of Non-Violent Communication as created by my mentor Marshall Rosenberg. You can find his work on YouTube and Amazon.com